I need to paraphrase the words of the super cool Gregg Allman, founder of

I just can't figure out why so many people don't like me (sniff, sniff).

The Allman Brothers Band. He once said something to the effect that after his sixth marriage (yeah, that’s right, six) failed, he began to start thinking that it was he who was the problem. Well, good for the Midnight Rider for finally figuring that one out. Of course, this begs the question: When will Terrell Owens realize that he is the problem? Now, readers may ask, “Sieck, what exactly are you getting at?” Well, it has been said that we suffer for our art, and the other night I had the “privilege” of watching The T.O. Show out of sheer curiosity, not because I think T.O. is cool. The results? Um, not so good, especially for T.O. The problem is that Owens may be too lost of a human being to realize this.

The show opens immediately after T.O. has been cut by the Dallas Cowboys. Now, it must first be said that Owens is the executive producer of the program, so he calls the shots. This means that the show probably won’t be steeped in reality, or it will at least be Owens’ version of reality. Now, I know what everyone is going to say. “Sieck, no “reality” TV is steeped in reality.” That may be true. However, I bring this up because perhaps the only genuine and entertaining moment that occurred during the hour-long running time (Can anyone say, “self-indulgent”?) is when Owens recounted his encounter with Cowboys owner and GM Jerry Jones as Jones released him. Priceless. I’m no fan of Jones or the Cowboys, but if how Owens describes the heave-ho is indeed how things went down, there IS justice in the world. Here’s the problem: A mere two days after the incident, Owens was signed by the Buffalo Bills because the man does still have talent. This means that the NFL’s biggest spoiled brat and egomaniac didn’t have any time to reflect on why he is such a cancer and how he ultimately failed the San Francisco 49ers, Philadelphia Eagles and Dallas Cowboys. It’s probably not going to be until after his career is over that T.O. realizes there’s a high price to pay for burning bridges.

However, that’s actually what this show is supposed to be about. Owens is supposed to be figuring out what he’s going to do with his life after football. Well, apparently it’s his goal to be a Paris Hilton-like cipher, because that’s the only impression one can get from this episode. See, it’s the brilliant idea of Owens’ friends/publicists Kita and Monique (and co-stars, wink-wink) for him to move to L.A. to figure things out. Now, don’t even get me started on these two. I have never seen two more annoying, manipulative leeches. Also, isn’t there a fundamental problem with paying someone to be a friend? Anyway, all T.O. is figuring out in this program is how to posture like he’s “the man.” First of all, I can think of one place that a person should absolutely NOT go to figure things out, and that’s L.A. But, that wouldn’t be any fun, right Terrell? Yeah, T.O. has to spread his wings and be a cool guy, so that everyone will see how awesome he is.

I don't know why I'm celebrating. This football will soon be my only friend. Meh, it's all I need. Has anyone ever seen "The Jerk" with Steve Martin?

Let me lay it out for everyone. The episode consists of him buying a new mansion, buying a pair of earrings for $137,000, hitting the clubs, and hitting on his real estate agent (very successfully, btw), which I’m sure was completely staged. Not that I believe he isn’t capable, I’m sure he is, I just didn’t believe this scenario. Now, there’s not necessarily anything wrong with these things in and of themselves, but it is a problem when one uses his extravagant lifestyle to further promote his somewhat empty and vapid celebrity status in a very lame and disingenuous way. My point is that, while this painful program may ingratiate Owens to an “in” crowd incapable of knowing better, which will in turn allow Owens to cash in after football, it certainly won’t do him any favors with blue-collar folk, self-respecting football fans, and dare I say it, the NFL and especially the Buffalo Bills, including his teammates… Sound familiar? So, to T.O., I say, don’t say I didn’t warn you when you’re eventually sitting in your mansion all by yourself. And to everyone else, I say, what else is on TV?