Any fan of Mike Judge’s now not-so-cult hit Office Space can rattle off lines from the film like they are reciting their social security number:

             *(Peter) Lawrence, what would you do if you had million dollars?

              (Lawrence) You mean besides two chicks at the same time?

             *(Bob Slydell) Peter, what would you say you do here?

            *(Michael Bolton) PC load letter? What the [heck] does that mean?

But perhaps today’s athletes are taking one famous line from the film in reference to work, I’m just not going to go anymore, just a bit too far. 

Both Jay Cutler and Brandon Marshall were cornerstones of Broncos GM Brian Xanders’ master plan to reassume control of the AFC West like they did for years in the late 80s and 90s, but somewhere between Mike Shanahan’s dismissal in January and Josh McDaniels’ hiring shortly thereafter, the top two offensive stars for the Broncos decided they were just going to stop going to work.

In Cutler’s case, the gateway out of Mile High was a perfect storm of a bruised ego, a fierce loyalty to Shanahan, and a little bit of good old fashioned sour grapes.  Upon hearing of Shanahan’s dismissal, Cutler wasted little time in reacting.

“I hope it all works out. But I know I’m disappointed, I’m not happy, and it’s a lot to think about. I just want to continue the things we were able to do this year on offense and get better all the time,” said Cutler.

Cutler has never been one to shy away from a mike shoved in his face, just ask new teammate Devin Hester, but I think his loyalty to Shanahan was genuine and because the move was widely considered so shocking, Cutler had a right to stick by the man who drafted him to succeed Jake Plummer. 

What came next was even more blindsiding. 

Cutler’s short career has featured a Favre-like penchant for forcing balls into rapidly closing windows, but his arm and ability to make plays out of nothing, also much like a young Favre, have garnered him respect around the league if not in his own locker room.  His 54 TDs against 37 picks isn’t exactly the model of consistency, but he has averaged over 200+ yards in the air per game, though most of that is a result of having to come from behind thanks to a perpetually laughable defensive unit. 

Despite what he’s done and many believe he will do, new coach Josh McDaniels was thoroughly unimpressed and looked to trade for fellow soon-to-be ex-Patriot, Matt Cassel.  What once was a slightly bruised Cutler quickly became the male equivalent of every girl who’s ever been cheated on and Cutler wanted out. Hell hath no fury like a quarterback scorned.

Fast forward three short months and the Broncos dealt the petulant Cutler to the Chicago Bears for career zero, Kyle Orton.  Much like our Office Space hero, Peter Gibbons, Cutler was ostensibly rewarded for deciding to do nothing.

Still, the Broncos had a bevy of talented running backs, a standout young burner in Eddie Royal, and one of the league’s few legit game changers in Marshall, right?  What has followed Cutler’s departure has made Philly fans realize we didn’t have it all that bad with our former star receiver doing situps in his driveway. 

Because Brandon Marshall is out of his mind.

Refusing to learn the playbook, personifying passive-aggression, deliberately dropping balls (actually it’s more like smacking them down), and even punting footballs away from unsuspecting ball boys have all been par for the Marshall course as he does everything he can to get traded. If you haven’t seen the video, check this out.

Now, let’s not forget that this is a guy who’s been suspended for several off the field dust ups, most notably an ironic seven police related matters involving alleged domestic abuse, before being suspended for the remainder of the this preseason.  Though his numbers last year were astounding (104 catches/1,265 Yds/6 TDs), it’s hard to imagine any team in desperate need of a WR (Baltimore, NYG, NYJ) taking a chance on this guy, but, then again, Mike Vick is back in the league.

If Office Space has taught us anything about the “real world” it’s that sometimes work sucks.  But resorting to passive aggression, infantile behavior, or destroying the company Xerox machine is not always going to be rewarded with a trade ticket out of town or forgotten because of a fortuitous arson.  Sadly, people like Cutler and Marshall can actually answer Peter’s million dollar question while the rest of us can only dream of earning the kind of money they’re so willing to take for granted.