by Brian

• For any Philly sports fanatic, growing accustomed to the usual rotation of commercials during any game is just part of our fandom. As fans, we reserve the right to scratch our heads, throw objects at our television, or fire off hilarious text messages about these promos.  Enter the Chapman trio of idiots and the inane WB Mason mock reality show commercials.
  • Chapman—Let me get this straight. I’m supposed to be enticed to buy a car from (a) the leathery faced, smoke-stained teeth, permasmile older brother (b) the clearly strung out younger brother who chose to show off his classy forearm tattoo for the shoot or (c) the ghost of their father who suggests, on a break from his 900^th cigarette of the day, that if we don’t buy Chapman, we’re paying too much for our vehicle?
    

    What our father said 25 years ago, "You boys are winners!"

  • WB—I’m not really sure at whom this campaign is aimed? I get that reality television is huge right now, but are the same people who watch Jersey Shore or The Real World in the market for office supplies? Are they hoping that a campy premise and poor acting is going to move coffee and paper clips? I’m stumped.

• As a fan of mismatched, buddy-cop films like Point Break and Tango and Cash, I can appreciate the complexity of putting two seemingly antithetical partners together in hopes that they figure each other out by figuring themselves out in time to catch the bad guy (or in Johnny Utah’s case, letting the bad guy commit karmic suicide because said bad guy isn’t going to paddle to New Zealand!). However, I simply cannot take Comcast Sportsnet’s unlikely Phils’ post-game duo of Marshall Harris and Ricky (seriously, still using the “y?”) Botallico.  During a particularly uncomfortable tete a tete last week, Botallico was bemoaning the Phils’ offensive woes, which he is paid to do, when Harris chimed in with, “says the man with two lifetime hits in the big leagues.” Now, I understand what he’s trying to do, but that’s like the manager of your junior high basketball team yelling at the starting point guard to hit the boards more effectively. I can’t stand Botallico, but he shot Harris a nasty look before retorting with, “yeah, and how many hit do you have buddy?” Harris tried to laugh it off, but the damage to Botallico’s ego had been done.

• After the passing of Yanks’ fuehrer, George Steinbrenner this week, and Bobby Cox’s preseason proclamation that this season would be his last, is there any question the baseball gods will smile upon these two organizations and send them to the Fall Classic? If you don’t believe in the baseball gods, watch the frequency with which the baseball will find the guy who was just entered as a defensive replacement.  Obviously, this unholy union would go right up the collective nose of Phillies fans if they lose a chance at redemption against the evil empire at the hands of their very boring, very vanilla division rival from Hotlanta.

• Can someone explain how unfunnyman, Louis CK, keeps getting work? I have yet to laugh at anything he or his failed projects have elicited, yet I see he was given another shot by FX. It’s like seeing a coach or manager who has never won anything (Calipari?) keep getting opportunities to continue not winning. I guess the devil you know is better than the devil you don’t, but why not give an up-and-coming comedian a shot at stardom instead of trotting out a guy whose stock has never really risen?
  

  Look, everyone! I'm pulling my shirt up and saying something funny! Yay!

• I know the Phils’ recent sweep of first place Cincinnati before the All-Star break was exciting and uplifting, but I think it might be time to accept this just isn’t their year. Injuries, the what-to-do-with-Jayson-Werth conundrum, having 2/5 of an effective starting rotation, a schizophrenic offense, and a GM with a lot of “’splainin’” to do all point toward an early off-season. Let me throw this out there too. Is Roy Halladay the Takeo Spikes of MLB? Neither has made the playoffs, both have sought teams who they thought would help get them there, and both came to Philly with that singular goal in mind. Maybe some guys are just playoff kryptonite.