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- It has been a while since I cleaned out the ole’ locker, but something happened recently that has warranted a new post. OK kids, we are going to talk about text-message etiquette. I’ll never forget the first time I found out about text-messaging. It was college, five of my friends and I were sitting around watching two of them play NCAA against each other. I noticed my one friend kept checking his cell phone in between drinking and playing and I couldn’t figure out why. Shortly after the game, there was a knock on the door. It was his girlfriend and like that he was off to “couple’s stuff.” I was so amazed. I mean there we were doing “guy stuff” (video games and alcohol), and he managed to have a serious conversation with his girlfriend at the same time. So much so that she was happy to pick him up. It was like the best of both worlds…act like a man in front of your friends, but act like a boyfriend to you girlfriend (quietly, while no one in the room knows any better). Since then, everyone is on the text-messaging train. The only problem is, not everyone knows how to use it properly.
A private conversation being had without anyone else but the people involved knowing about it.
The first rule of text-messaging is never answer a text with a phone-call. With the possible exception of some huge story that would take too long to type, a phone call should never be the response to a text message. Second, there is no need for pointless text messages. Here is an example. A text message conversation that goes something like, “How does meeting me up there at 9 sound?” to which the person responds “Sounds good.” That’s fine. But then there are the people who feel the need to respond to the “sounds good” text message with “OK.” No need for that. Conversely, if you find yourself typing a text message that is too big for just one text and has to be sent out over multiple text messages…get a clue. At that point you have forfeited your right to use text messaging, and a phone call, or even email, has to be used at that point.
Finally, the most important rule of all text messaging, DO NOT REFUSE TO ANSWER A TEXT MESSAGE. Whether it’s a girl trying to blow off a guy – or visa-versa – or friend blowing off a friend, there is never a reason to do this. A simple text message like “Yes” or “No” or even a brief response will do just fine. It is complete and utter disrespect to not answer a text message. Even if you are busy, you can always get back to them later. I don’t care if it is two days later, just respond with an answer and explanation, just something. If you are one of these people that can’t take even one minute of your time to respond to a friend via text message, then you are clearly a soulless human being and should be executed on the spot. Text messaging should be an easy, casual, non-pressure way of communicating, and yet somehow people have found a way to ruin it.
- This week I want to talk about public displays of affection (PDAs). Not just any PDA, but the worst kind of PDA: the hand-in-the-back-pocket. Generally, PDAs are fine; I am in no position to judge how a man and woman want to carry out their relationship, but the line has to be drawn somewhere.
Seriously? C'mon man, where is she going?
I can deal with holding hands, I can even handle the R-rated make-out scenes that some couples choose to have in public (hey, when the mood strikes you…), but this whole hand-in-the-back-pocket thing is too much. There is no point to it. It has no real physical contact, and there is definitely no emotional contact, it’s just pointless. The way I see it, all it really translates to is a human leash – a way for a boyfriend, or girlfriend, to arrogantly say to the world: this is my property. “Don’t wonder too far from me honey, wouldn’t want other people to think we are not together because then they might actually approach you, and you will see how inadequate I am as a companion – hence this hand-in-back-pocket thing that I do.” For a male, there is no excuse for it. Girls’ pants are so tight nowadays (thank you for that, ladies) that it is a battle to get in there. Even if you can fit a hand in there, it has to be uncomfortable. And don’t try and say that it’s a way to touch their butts because there is no way to “cop a feel” in those tight pants unless your girlfriend wears JNCO jeans, which she doesn’t, so you’re not coming out of there with a handful of anything…so nice try. As for females who do it to males (which is rare, but still occurs), I don’t know how any man could tolerate that. The whole time I would feel as though I was being pick-pocketed, and I would constantly be checking the ground behind me to see what my girlfriend has just knocked out of my pocket. With that being said, knock it off people. There are a million other ways to show the public that you two are a couple, so come up with another one.
- During my recent trip to Vegas this past weekend, I stumbled upon something I had never really noticed before…just how dumb people are. Sure, you’re going to read this and say, “Well yeah, even I knew that” – and so did I or at least I thought I did, until this past weekend. First things first, the airline commercials about people not wanting to fly, those are complete lies.
Now I know why he was so angry in this movie: not snakes, but unruly tourists who don't know how to board a plane and stowaway luggage.
I had a connecting flight both ways, so that’s four flights total, and the planes were packed to the rafters both times. I had the pleasure of flying Continental Airlines, which was a great experience, except for their customers. See Continental likes to charge $15 for checking a bag – America isn’t having that. Instead passengers chose to redefine the term “carry-on.” I have never seen so many people try to fit so many things in such small bags. But who cares, right? Whatever works for them? Yeah, I care – because I am the one waiting in the cockpit of the plane for hours on end as they Greco-Roman wrestle their “carry-on” into the overhead compartment (Ben Stiller from Meet the Parents style).
However, that’s not the worst part. I couldn’t get over how people cannot grasp the concept of boarding the plane. It’s simple, you get assigned a seat, it’s printed on your ticket, they call your seat, and then you get in line and board the plane. But people just can’t handle this. Who was sitting in row five, trying to get on when they called row 32…who was sitting in row 13, but loaded their “carry on” into the compartment above row 28 and was racing to get to it as soon as the plane landed. I just don’t get it; you board the plane and put your bag in the compartment above your row. But that was too difficult for most people, especially when they have 56 “carry-on” items. It literally took us 45 minutes to board a plane, the stewardess had to instruct people on how to stow their luggage three different times. There should be some form of protection for us “normal” people against people like that. Maybe the stewardess can see the culprit, and then ask him or her to leave, because they are too dumb to fly, “Sir/Mam, we need to ask you to de-board the plane…because your an idiot, thank you.”
Then, once our plane was finally ready to go, the stewardess realized that one person had nowhere to sit, and that he was double-booked. So after waiting all that time to sit, he couldn’t and then he was told he would have to stay behind until the morning because they weren’t flying to his destination anymore today. I thought ‘wow, I am sure he killed someone when he got back into the terminal.’ Which brings me to my final rant – is it a new counter-terrorism device to sweat-out possible terrorists? Or is that how the airports save money in these economically tough times? All four airports I was in were a refreshing 85 degrees or higher – and the same with the planes. Nothing like a nice three hour flight with recycled, hot, humid air flowing throughout the airplane…that spells vacation to me.
- While watching TV the other day I saw something that really caught my attention, something that was long overdue…a Natty Light commercial. This was a big deal for me because it’s almost like when they make a really old cartoon into a movie (i.e. Spiderman, Transformers, or G.I. Joe) and you get all excited because you think, “hey, I grew up with that cartoon.” Well that’s exactly how I felt. I saw that commercial and thought, “hey, I grew up with that beer.”
The commercial centered on what Anheuser-Busch depicts as a house party – which makes perfect sense because, while I have not been to many bars outside of Philly or South Jersey, I have never been to a bar that
serves Natty Light. This “house party” consists of young adults enjoying this frosty legend of a beverage when one male party-goer makes eyes with a female party-goer and knocks over a beer during the process. Natty calls this a “Natastrophe,” aka a party foul. Then they break it down with a nice little diagram and show you what not to do, all good stuff – but here is where I beg to differ.
They could have used something like the mother of the party-thrower coming home from working late only to find a mini-beerfest at her house that includes her son and soon-to-be-ex-husband drunk, while their youngest daughter carries around a backpack full of beer so the father doesn’t have to waste his time reloading…that’s a true “Natastrophe,” and a true story. Or some “young adults” drinking in the woods of a small town when some cops show up and chase the kids out only to steal their beer and enjoy it themselves…”Natastrophe.” Those would be some good, solid commercials and appeal to Natty’s real demographic: anyone UNDER 21. Let’s face it, it’s illegal to do that, but who are they kidding? That’s who drinks Natty. Now I know what some of you are thinking, “Natty Light!?! That stuff is garbage and I wouldn’t be caught drinking that ever! Be an adult, drink a real beer!” But to all of those people, who are riding tall on their high horse, I pose a simple question that a wise man once asked me when I made similar comments: don’t they all taste the same after your third or fourth?
- Today boys and girls, I want to talk to you about something very disturbing in these troubled times…professional athletes with anxiety disorders. Really? I can only imagine the pain and stress they must go throw when they wake up each day and have to PLAY SPORTS for a pay check. Not to mention when they go to cash that check and notice that there is at least a six-figure number on it. I mean if I woke up and realized someone was going to pay me to play a sport I love; I think I might have “anxiety” about it as well. I would need some time to adjust to being filthy rich and recognized everywhere I go. I might need a few days off. One day to tell everyone the news, as well as telling a few people off (including my boss), another day to get drunk with all my friends (on me and my new job of course) and another day to buy six houses all over the world, and maybe a few cars – if I am up to it.
Come on people…I know it’s hard, but you’re getting paid millions of dollars to play sports and have people idolize you, I think you can handle it. Even if you fail, you still made some money and your failure results in just getting a real job like the rest of us. And unless you’re Kenny Powers, it’s not so bad. So stop crying about how hard life is as a pro-athlete and trying to make it out to be a bad thing…grow up. I’ll tell you what, if you ever get confused along the path of greatness that is set forth in front of you, just give me a call. I will be more than happy to help you deal with your problems by helping you spend some of your boat-loads of money and tarnishing that precious little successful name of yours. I am here for you.
agreed rico, tried to explain that before.
I have seen several of these natty light commercials and they are classic. And i think the caption for that first picture should be… LOWERED EXPECTIONS
I have yet to see a Natty commercial
Dave, I feel like one of you should be watching and reveiwing the T.O. show….
Please note: Natty light is made for shotgunning shirtless- this is part of the natural order. This has the potential for many natastrophes, not the least of which is this activity being performed by a man in front of a sorely-disappointed-in-men-their-age group of girls that show up unexpectedly at the site of such an activity.
You hit a nerve with this one. Anxiety disorders are the most prevalent psychiatric disorders, affecting 12.6% of the population in a given 12 month period (I’ll give you the citation if you want). It is as prevalent in pro sports as the rest of society, but is less relevant because of people like you that don’t understand.
It’s not all D Nabb’s yacking during the Super Bowl, some of these guys use some substances to help their performance, both legal and illegal, (you may have heard of this) and a general uneasiness, tension, and worry can result.
They may not all have anxiety about “making millions of dollars” and “making it rain in the club” they might be sensitive to the fact that millions of people scrutinize their every move. Hell, I’m sure you’re going to get pretty upset from getting feedback from just me, but not at the pathological (well, maybe) level that these athletes have.
Wahhhh!!! I’m getting paid to play a kids game that ive probably played my entire life…Again, this is why God did not make me a pro athlete…I would of enjoyed it!