Loading ...The ALMOST Section
We at almostathletes pride ourselves on being slightly better than average at most of our pursuits: athletics, pop culture knowledge, writing ability, and for Dave and Sieck, skirt chasing. In keeping with our mediocre savoir-faire (read: know how), we’ll provide an “almost” category each week.
Almost Good Sports Announcers
The new standard in sports broadcasting.
Brian: John Buccigross – Though not an announcer per se, Bucci is the most dynamic anchor on SportsCenter. With a flair for all things pop culture, Buccigross provides a more eclectic approach to covering the day’s sports and is a refreshing alternative to tired, long-past-their-prime anchors like Chris Berman. Often infusing song lyrics into his column (something for which I’m particularly grateful because Bucci has turned me on to more than a couple bands), there’s no question that he does his due diligence to ensure that his analysis of an otherwise mundane double play or dunk is both athletically accurate and socially relevant.
Probably best known for his work on the now defunct NHL 2Nite on ESPN, Buccigross’ peppered his signature sarcasm in with spot on analysis. Fans of the anchor revel in his ability to refer to athletes in terms of their entertainment counterparts. For instance, should the Flyers’ Mike Richards score an overtime game winner, Bucci might call the goal as: What Eddie Vedder is to Pearl Jam, Mike Richards is to the Flyers.
A true professional, Bucci reminds viewers why it’s integral for anchors to be able to work off-script, to call the highlights with their own personalities, and to consider sports as part of a larger entertainment machine.
Dave: Joe Buck – This was tough because I hesitated to put him on there because he isn’t “almost a good announcer”; he is horrible…but this is still a good venue for me to proclaim why he stinks. First, he lacks the emotion to be a play-by-play announcer; this guy calls a 70-yard touchdown pass like he is in the booth watching a viewing. If the play is exciting, would it kill you to call it like you’re excited? Second, he is too distracted during football games because of his pure, unadulterated love for Troy Aikman. I am pretty sure he has tried to kiss Troy during games. Watch him when Troy talks— it’s the same look you see a bride give her husband on their wedding day as he reads his vows. Also, during this fantasy session he has while Troy talks, notice the casual “JC Penney catalog” glances he gives in between Troy’s pointless rambles.
"I love you Troy...but I might love myself more."
It’s almost like he is thinking “Wow Troy, we could be so happy together if you would just give us a shot” and then “Damn I am good-looking” as he flashes a smile to the camera in between drooling over Troy.
Finally, he is the only play-by-play guy I have heard that is on national TV and has bias. There are certain teams and players he dislikes and he doesn’t hide it. Two examples: (1) Randy Moss catches a bomb against the Packers and pretends to take a dump on their goal post – Buck loses it and goes on a rant about how that is inappropriate, Moss should be ejected, fined, and maybe even removed from pro sports…relax Joe, it’s tasteless but funny, and he didn’t actually poop on the field. (2) He called last year’s World Series from a Tampa Bay Devil Rays fan’s point of view. Even a friend of mine who is a Mets fan (and strongly dislikes the Phillies) admitted it sounded a little off. During Game 1 of the World Series, the Phillies are up 3-2 with the best closer in baseball (at the time), Brad Lidge, on the hill with two outs, facing Carl Crawford and get this, Buck warns viewers that the game is far from over. He claims that if Carl Crawford gets on don’t be surprised if the next batter, Buck’s favorite baseball player BJ Upton, hits an inside-the-park home-run due to his blazing speed and the Rays come back and win it. Really Joe? I don’t know why he didn’t call that series with his face painted blue and BJ Upton jersey holding a sign that says “Troy Aikman and BJ Upton are two men I want to sleep with!”
Sieck: Randy Moller (Florida Panthers play-by-play announcer) – Granted, any guy who’s calling the games for the Florida Panthers certainly isn’t atop the sports world, or even the NHL for that matter. In fact, Randy Moller doesn’t even get to do TV. Yes, he’s the Panthers’ radio announcer. So, Moller’s broadcasting career could be going better. However, there’s one very special aspect to the former NHL defenseman’s voice work that makes him one of a kind, and easily one of my favorite play-by-play men. The once rear-guarding tough guy for the Quebec Nordiques, New York Rangers, Buffalo Sabres and yes, Florida Panthers, screams a pop-culture reference—usually a line from a movie or song—after every vital Panthers goal. They often don’t make any kind of contextual sense, so many folks dismiss the tirade as stupid or silly, perhaps further marring Moller’s resume, but everyone needs to trust me that it’s some of the funniest stuff ever.
"Gosh darn it, we love you, Randy Moller."
He also doesn’t always get the references exactly right, which only adds to the comedy. Yep, the pugilist who used to mix it up with guys such as Rick Tocchet, Nick Kypreos, Lyle Odelein and others has traded his fists in for fame, utilizing some of cinema’s most humorous lines, both famous and obscure. Among some of my favorites from Moller after the Panthers score are, “Do you know the muffin man?” from Shrek, and “Do you mind if we dance with your dates?” from Animal House. To hear some of Randy’s finest work, click here.
Here’s to you, Mr. Moller. I can only dream that every sports broadcaster could be half as animated, interesting and original as you.
I heard Joe Buck wants the super bowl on valentine’s day so the whole world can witness him ask Troy Aikman to be his valentine and make them both the happiest men in the world