Aug 28 2009

Almost Awesome Female Athletes

Sieck: Gina Carano (mixed-martial arts fighter): Yes, the alluring Ms. Carano is known as the face of female MMA; however, I can’t escape the feeling that many folks get her talent all mixed up and confused with her beauty. Now, before all the hate mail starts rolling in, let me state that I’m not trying to take anything away from Gina. She definitely has talent. She began her career as Muay Thai fighter and amassed a rather impressive record of 12-1-1 before moving on to the big leagues of MMA. Her current MMA record also stands at a somewhat scary 7-1, and there’s no doubt that Carano is a proficient striker with heavy hands.

She can beat us up, anytime.

She can beat us up, anytime.

However, let’s examine some other factors: “Conviction” Carano’s record might be a little misleading. Although starting with a 7-0 run, I can’t really say that she’s fought a truly impressive opponent, with maybe the exception of former Hook N Shoot champion Kaitlin Young. Carano has had problems in the past making weight for fights, and it’s no secret that her ground game (wrestling, Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu, etc.) is suspect at best. Then there’s the issue of her looks. Granted, it’s not her fault that she’s hot, but I have to say it has probably been a distraction. I don’t fault anyone for making money, but various film roles, as well as playing “Crush” on American Gladiators doesn’t exactly lend itself to a great deal of credibility. In fact, when EliteXC folded in late 2008, it looked like Carano was well on her way toward probably becoming a model of some sort (again, not her fault). Then, Strikeforce purchased ProElite assets (Strikeforce’s parent company), and a fight between Carano and Cristiane “Cyborg” Santos (who admittedly looks like a man) was set. This was the toughest challenge of Carano’s career and she failed miserably, getting TKO’d in the first round. However, as far as quasi-celebrity crushes go, Carano easily cracks the top ten of yours truly, so if she wants to come over and beat me up for a less than stellar review, she’s more than welcome.

Dave: Alicia Sacramone (Olympic Gymnast): Sacramone was an easy choice after Sieck took Carano.  She has been a big name in the Olympics since Melbourne in 2005, when she won her first medals – a Bronze medal in Vault Exercise, and a Gold medal in Floor Exercise.  She then continued her success in 2006 at Aarhus, when she won two Silver medals in the Vault and Team Exercise.  Her break-out year came in 2007, in Stuttgart, when she won the Bronze medal in Vault, but helped her squad come away with the Gold medal in Team Exercise.  Sacramone is not only a fantastic gymnast, but she is mega-hot, likes to party, and comes equipped with a mean left hook (see video if you don’t believe me).

Who cares what medal she got? When you’re this hot, nobody will remember (or care) about your failures.

However, despite Sacramone’s achievements – on and off the mats – she will always be remembered for coming up short in 2008 Olympics in Beijing.  Even though Team USA did get the Silver Medal, Sacramone will be remembered as the reason Team USA didn’t get the Gold.  In Balance Beam, Sacramone literally fell of the beam, and then during Floor Exercise, she took a spill that ended up costing the Americans the Gold (that plus Nastia Liukin stepping out of bounds).  However, she had, and still has, nothing to be ashamed of for two very simple reasons: 1 – she is hot as hell and nationally recognized now (so she’s pretty much a celebrity), and 2 – luckily for her she blew it in the Olympics, and no real American cares about the Olympics.  So as long as she keeps that figure of hers going, her haymaker sharp, and doesn’t pull any moves like young tennis sensation Simona Halep (who selfishly decided her tennis career was more important than her God-given features), she will be just fine.

Brian: Rachel Alexandra (Filly): I have to start by admitting that I have no idea how Sieck and Dave know so much about female athletes.  Though far from a sexist, I just have no interest or knowledge of the fairer sex’s athletic prowess.  But that’s why there’s three of us on this site—when one of us balks at an almost category and the other two outvote him (me), we roll with it.

So my choice is graceful, powerful 3-year old Filly, Rachel Alexandra, who became the first young lady in 85 years to win the Preakness.  Defeating a host of misogynistic thoroughbreds and their mangy jockeys, RA (as she’s known on the club circuit) scoffed at any suggestion that Fillies couldn’t run with the boys during any leg of the Triple Crown.

Now, that's hot.

Rumor has it that Mine That Bird, the ‘bred she defeated in the Preakness, is in talks to star with RA in their own reality show on VH1 in the time slot vacated by Megan Wants A Millionaire.

For a truer indication of my feelings about female athletics, check out this video and I dare you not to laugh.

5 Responses to “Almost Awesome Female Athletes”

  1. Takeshi says:

    I dunno how you can’t be impressed with Carano’s win resume. Sexton, Kedzie and Evinger had such a grappling advantage, while Kobold beat Baszler and had a war with Larosa. Bottom line, Carano has had the most impressive first set of opposition with Amanda Nunes’ and Cris Cyborg’s following.

  2. Glyn R. says:

    You guys should look into Golf. Golf has a bunch of girls who are hot. My favorite, and I think she is the best looking athlete in the world, is Paula Creamer. The name is funny, but I would put Carano 2nd.

    Kul, a horse? Seriously? You could of sold out and just said Anna Kournikova or something…

  3. Phillippi says:

    Dave…. Alicia is mine. Stay away

  4. bob says:

    two words: Alison Stokes

  5. John Gordon says:

    I wouldnt call Caranos loss a miserable failure. She was rolling and standing with cyborg up until the last 15 seconds of the first round, which was 5 minutes, something woman dont usually have. She even had cyborg backing up, which she(cyborg) said she would never do. I took a muy thai class out here and cyborg was actually in it, she is crazy fast and powerfull. And although I like carano, Cyborg is a champion and I dont agree with all the boo’s she was given.

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