Loading ...Almost Hot Celebrities
Brian: My pick is fetching young siren/actress, Zooey Deschanel. First of all, her name makes her slightly more attractive than her older sibling, Emily, because, let’s face it, Zooeys probably like to party. She’s waifish, naturally beautiful, and has the voice of an angel (that’s really her singing in Elf).
Here’s the almost quality about Zooey—those eyes. I once dated a girl with eyes like Deschanel’s and I could never get used to the feeling that, no matter what I said, I was surprising her in some way or that she was judging me from behind perpetually open and rarely blinking eyes.
Much like the athletes, Zooey is almost hot.
Sieck: Kristen Stewart. Yeah sure, she’s Hollywood’s current new “it” girl with films such as Twilight and Adventureland. And, for anyone who has seen Into the Wild, it’s hard to deny her as a trailer park hottie rolling around on a bed in white panties. Believe me, I get it, and I can’t wait to see her as Joan Jett in the upcoming movie about The Runaways.
However, off the big screen, she seems to forget she’s not in Twilight anymore. She continues to look and act like a vampire, and frankly, I find her pasty skin and attitude distasteful. Always appearing to be too cool for the room, she even looked disinterested in a recent PSA about date rape stewart PSA. I can’t escape the feeling that if she wasn’t famous, she would be the girl in high school that nobody talked to, who never participated in gym class because the other girls were mean, she was PMS’ng, or The Cure was breaking up. Maybe she should pop some Prozac and go fly a kite.
Dave: Bryce Dallas Howard. I remember going home and IMDB’ng her right after I saw Spiderman 3 to find out just who she was. I had never seen or heard about her before and, in my humble and perverted opinion, she looked hot in that movie. 
Upon internet stalking her, I saw that she was in Lady in the Water, so I figured I would check her out in that. That’s when I realized she actually really does have an ugly, red-headed step sister, because there is no way that was the same chic from SP3.
How could she go from being a hot blonde with bangs and a body to looking like something that suggests Carrot Top and an ostrich helped create her? 
I realize it’s supposed to be a horror movie and they want her looking like death, but my guess is they didn’t have to try too hard. Her life is a symbol of two things: that having a successful parent (Ron Howard) or parents, no matter how unattractive you are, can make you a celebrity and that makeup artists are the most underpaid union in this great country.
With a name like Richie Cunningham or Steve Bolander one would guess that he would have the creative ability to give his daughter a decent name. Seriously, Bryce Dallas? Without the Howard attatched, it screams que obnoxious music, throw dollars bills at me and watch me gyrate on a pole. A simple name like Joanie, while bringing some weird irony into the mix may have also removed her from your “almost” list. I think a name is extremely important and should not be after major cities in the west, well maybe the east. The only attractive Bryce was in Summer Rental and she only gets in this message because she was the daughter of Mr. John Candy.
here’s a few I remember from a dicussion one night:
-Maggie Gyllenhal (forgive the spelling)- “The Dark Knight” was an awesome movie, but Batman can do better than her. Where is Kim Basinger?
-Katie Holmes- besides the fact that she’s an awful actress and an idiot (she passed on “The Dark Knight” to do that dumb movie with Diane Keaton and Queen Latifah), she just doesn’t do it for me.
-Julia Stiles- Sure maybe she can dance, but that doesnt help. She looked better in the “Bourne” flicks, but i still would classify her as “almost.”
I know we had a few others but can’t quite think of them.
Kool, agreed. Shes pretty damn sweet looking. Her eyes are awesome too. Dave, I literally did the exact same thing after seeing her in Spidey 3. And Sieck, I dont watch MTV Teen Vampire Flicks spawned from Chick Novels, so I dont know who she is. Just kidding. But seriously… Who is she?