Loading ...Almost Acceptable Cheap Beer
Dave: Busch Light – the official beer of the World Champion Philadelphia Phillies – no matter what Bud Light says. The beer is perfect in symmetry with the Phillies, tough at first but one big celebration at the end. Now, a few of you might be thinking, what is he talking about?
Literally the stuff champions are made of.
It isn’t very filling, provides you with just enough alcohol to not feel anything during a fight with a Mets fan, and is easy on the wallet during these tough economic times. And then there is this. During the end of the Phillies season – and their championship run – some commercials were shown that promoted Busch Light. They showed people retreating from the struggles of the workforce, to any place that harbors recreational outdoor sports: Zip-lining, white-water rafting, etc. And all the men who took part in these activities were, of course, accompanied by beautiful women. But that wasn’t the best part of the commercial….hold on to your hats boys and girls. As Blues Traveler plays “The Mountain Wins Again,” a silhouette of a horse dances on a snow-covered mountain top, while appearing to be opening his mouth and saying “BUSCH!” just as the narrator of the commercial exclaims it. I don’t know about you, but any commercial that has a horse dancing and singing on a mountain top, hot girls, and can drag Blues Traveler out of retirement to make a song for said commercial – I need to buy that product. So when I first tasted that beer, even though it was rough, I toughed it out then went on to enjoy it during every Phillies game. Almost a good beer – definitely fantastic marketing.
Sieck: Natural Ice – Well, in the interest of full disclosure, I was strictly forbidden by the big boss man of this site from including Natural Light on this list. This begs the question: Why on Earth would anyone so staunchly defend such a beer? I assure you, it’s not for advertising reasons. However, that’s a conversation for another time. Regardless, it doesn’t really matter because I can easily move to its demented bastard cousin, Natural Ice, or as it’s commonly referred to on the streets, Natty Ice. Now, don’t get me wrong, I too have some fond memories of Natty Ice. See, it’s primarily the beer of choice for folks under the age of twenty-one. That’s right, I said it. Now, while no one condones underage drinking, the truth remains that it’s a sad fact of life, and even I can admit to indulging in the activity “once or twice” during my youth. In fact, for any naïve adult out there who has never seen HBO’s Middle School Confessions, I highly recommend it.
Pure snake venom.
Oh, and try not to hang yourself afterwards. Anyway, the reason it’s the preferred beverage for the teen set is I think an entire case costs about five bucks. This way, kids can party in the woods like it’s 1999 all night long while dodging the cops. Even as I sit here, I can pleasantly recollect several high school instances of doing just that.
Of course, anyone in his right mind knows that at the end of the day, Natural Ice is pure swill. Will it do in the case of an extreme emergency? Um, I guess so, but then again so will urine, and while I have never tasted moose snot, I have to imagine that it must be somewhat similar. Furthermore, with its alcohol content at an astounding 5.9%, anyone abusing this urban cocktail on a regular basis or in large quantities is really asking for trouble. I especially feel bad for the youngsters using it as fuel for their beer pong games (which, according to Wikipedia is a primary filler used for such a pastime). After a long night of consuming Natty Ice during a rousing game of pong, I can only estimate that one must wake up in the morning feeling like he was smacked over the head with the Walt Whitman Bridge. Luckily, since getting older and acquiring a job, I don’t have to worry about such an experience when I settle in for a scintillating contest of Beirut. I can now proudly say that I fill my cups with a tasty beer… like Rolling Rock… just kidding, that sucks, too.
Brian: Milwaukee’s Best (aka “The Beast”) – What high school “kegger” or college frat party would be complete without the nation’s most widely accepted cheap, adolescent beer. During a time of hormonal imbalance, parental discord, and anti-establishment rhetoric, the Beast is the ale that brings every member of any social hierarchy together with the promise of cheap drunkenness. Having grown up on $5.99 twelve-packs of Natural Light, I had to wait until my first year of college to truly appreciate the impact Milwaukee’s Best has had on our culture.
Helping kids across America make bad decisions.
Whether I was banging my head to Pearl Jam at Kappa Sig or covering my ears from the Beastie Boys at Delta Chi, the Beast was always there to remind me that there were nubile young ladies at these parties, all of whom were drinking copious amounts of warm beer from a keg tapped by an insecure pledge too weak to make friends of his own. In fact, I’d venture to guess that the Beast is almost entirely responsible for a bevy of young ladies I acquainted myself with before we all became too old to go to frat parties or they became too sober to realize the mistake they were making. So, we’re left to salute the Beast for bringing out whatever manifestation of our own beasts were lurking under the surface, just waiting to be released by a sweet sip of an awful beer.
Why only light beers?
Like my good friend The Gaff says about late night snacks, sometimes you have to “think outside the bun”. Golden Anniversary is the best cheap beer on the market.
Keystone is definitely what the Township crew drinks – and it is horse piss, but it gets the job done.
agreed flip he needs to watch what he says here
I want to personally thank everyone for not putting keystone on the list.
Sieck, you watch your mouth!