Sieck: “The Dean of Mean” Keith Jardine (MMA Fighter): Now, I’ll fully admit it, on the surface, this is the coolest name in all of sports. Not, only does it rhyme, but it has good flow, sounds really cool and scary.

Mean people suck, so let me show you how mean I can be. (AP Photo/Branimir Kvartuc)

Additionally, for anyone who knows Jardine’s work, he’s one tough hombre. His name sounds frightening and he also looks plenty nightmarish with his bald head and long Layne Staley-like beard. He currently fights for the UFC in the light heavyweight division and has scored some amazing victories. For instance, he has wins over two former champions in Forrest Griffin (TKO) and Chuck “The Iceman” Liddell. It seemed Jardine, at one point, was well on his way to the top of the light heavyweight food chain.

OK, don’t get me wrong, I would certainly never climb into the cage against Jardine, but if a man is going to call himself, “The Dean of Mean,” shouldn’t he at least be… well, mean? Keith has recently found himself mired in his stacked division. His 14-5-1 record now seems deceiving. In 2008, Jardine got knocked out by Wanderlei Silva, who’s reaching the end of the line, in thirty-six seconds. Then, he managed to squeak out a razor-thin decision over Brandon Vera (who had to come down in weight). Finally, in ’09 so far, he has also lost to Quinton “Rampage” Jackson. It’s now looking like Jardine is NOT the class of the light heavyweights and is far from a title shot. So, maybe the dean isn’t so mean. I can’t wait to see what UFC 102 brings us when he takes on Thiago Silva.

Uh, on second thought, you can keep my milk money, D'Brickashaw. I'm not really thirsty anyway. (Al Bello/Ghetty Images)

Dave: D’Brickashaw Ferguson.  This name just demands respect.  The 6-6, 310 pound offensive tackle for the New York Jets bears a name that I will never forget.  I can remember hearing ESPN analysts talk about him during the 2006 NFL draft and all I could think was “Wow, what a name.”  I’ve already decided that my first born will take on this name.  It’s a win-win.

If he becomes a professional athlete, he’ll have a fantastic name to go with his career…and if he doesn’t, I guarantee he will never be picked on as a child.  Just think of having to say this, “Meet me at the train tracks at 3:30, D’Brickashaw, we are fighting!” It just doesn’t sound right; it feels like you’ve already lost when you say it.  The only downside is D’Brickashaw played for the Virginia Cavaliers in college and now plays for the Jets in the NFL, and they both are losers – so that makes him a loser, qualifying his as an Almost Awesome Sports Name.

Brian: God Shammgod. While there are countless names deserving of this week’s crown (apologies to World B. Free, Kiko Calero, and Spud Webb), when parents are brazen enough to go ahead and name their kid God, everything else is just sacrilegious. Shammgod starred in the Providence backcourt in 1996 and 1997 before declaring for the NBA draft, under the presumption that he would be any team’s savior. Oddly, Shammgod’s divinity earned him only one season in the NBA after being an early second round draft choice of the Washington Wizards. Clearly, a piously-named athlete couldn’t possibly play for a team named after those who practice black magic. I applaud Shammgod for staying true to his monotheistic name and eschewing the temptations of silly, mortal pursuits like employment and dignity.

With a name like God, didn't he have to play for Providence?