As the NFL season winds down, I am forced to remember all the analysts and friends who couldn’t help but ridicule Brett Favre for coming back – and the Vikings organization for giving him all that time to decide to come back.  One regular season and two weeks into the playoffs later, who is laughing now?

Brett Favre.

No matter what color the uniform, or how old he is, this image of Brett seems to be a constant. (AP Photo/Hannah Foslien)

As a huge Brett Favre fan, I must point out that not only did he throw 33 touchdowns to only 7 interceptions in the regular season, but he only had one multi-pick game (against Arizona when they were embarrassed on Sunday Night Football because their offensive line didn’t make the plane to Tempe).  He didn’t tire out at the end of the year, and despite Adrian Peterson not having big rushing games (because everyone insisted if he had success it would be because A.D. was averaging 400 yards a game), he even managed to take over and dominate a few of these games.  Favre helped his team finish 2^nd in the league in points-per-game, 5^th in total yards, and 8^th in total passing yards.  He made Sidney Rice (whose career was dying in Minnesota) look like the second-coming of Jerry Rice.

However, even after all this success there was still the thought that Favre would choke under the playoff pressure.  So in comes Dallas, arguably the hottest team coming into the playoffs, and what happens?  Favre and

About 90% of the NFL-watching population had no idea who this kid was, until Favre became his quarterback.

the Vikings take them out to the woodshed.  Favre throws for four touchdowns (each more amazing than the previous), zero interceptions, and the Viking defense shut down an over-rated Cowboys O.

I just want to point that out that no matter what happens to the Vikings, whether it be in the next game or in the Super Bowl, Favre has more than proved he is still one of the best.  Maybe it was time for him to go in Green Bay, maybe it wasn’t, but we will never know.  All we have to go on now is the enormous amount of success he is having with the purple and gold…GO VIKINGS!

Moving on to something that I have to comment on…Gilbert Arenas.  For all those people who sat back and thought “Wow, how dumb is Plaxico Burress?” Arenas decided to prove there was someone dumber.  As the story goes, after an argument over unpaid gambling debts with teammate Javaris Crittenton, the two pulled guns on each other.  And if that wasn’t enough, it wasn’t like the two of them were there for a team meeting and snuck them in, oh no, they both had guns (plural) stored in their lockers.  I guess for all the gang violence that takes place at practice?

Are you kidding me?  Arenas claimed that he had brought them from his home to his locker so his children would not find them and play with them.  How noble.  Buy a safe idiot, hide them where your kids can’t reach, put them in a room and lock the door, I mean how many other options are there before you think “I got it! I’ll just bring them to work.”  Imagine a regular person doing that, “Morning Sally, the meeting is still at 10 right? Oh, don’t mind these, I don’t want my kids playing with them.” You would be fired immediately.

Nice Gilbert, way to try and play it all off as a joke. People always pull guns on other people in jest, I could see the misunderstanding.

That must have been the same logic Arenas used when he tried to play this whole thing off as a prank. Or perhaps when he turned his hands into six-shooters during a pregame “dance” before they played the Sixers, to show how much of jokester he is.  As you can imagine, NBA Commissioner David Stern took action, suspending Arenas indefinitely.  Then the legal department stepped in, and Arenas now has to wait until March to find out what kind of sentencing he will receive.  NBA commissioner David Stern has yet to make a decision on what will happen to Arenas after his sentencing (hopefully his career is done).  The team is left scrambling for an answer, but they are just as guilty as he is in my eyes.

Get this: the Wizards organization said they had known about the guns in his locker – apparently he had informed them about the guns when he first brought them in – and they “never thought something like this would come of it.”  Really? I would love to hear them describe the situations that they thought might arise from having firearms in a locker room.  As if the NBA couldn’t be any worse (or more out of control) they decide a good P.R. move would be to let athletes have guns in their lockers?  This way fans get more of a “Beirut circa 1975” feeling when they come to games.

As a lifelong Kansas City Chiefs fan, I feel I have a responsibility to comment on the recent actions of our “star” running back Larry Johnson.  After a tough loss against division foe San Diego, L.J. decided it was necessary to spout off about his current situation, which is the following: He is stuck on a bad team, not getting the touches he thinks he deserves, and losing all the while.

"People can barely remember that I used to be good...let me go spit on someone to remind them who I am." (AP Photo/Dick Whipple, File)

Johnson decided the best way to vent his frustrations would be to verbally assault members of the media, his coaching staff, and the organization by using a gay slur.  He especially targeted new coach Todd Haley, claiming that he wasn’t a good coach and didn’t know how to use him (correct me if I am wrong, but wasn’t Haley the only reason Johnson still had a job? Because no one would have taken him after the two years he just got done having).  L.J. also mentioned how his dad playing on the Titans team from the movie Remember the Titans, and those people knew how to coach football – which implied that his new coach didn’t.

Now, let me make it clear that while I am a Chiefs fan, I am also an NFL fan…so I am not ignorant.  I know I am a fan of a bad team, we are rebuilding (and have been for quite some time), and I can only imagine how difficult it must be to be a “star” and be stuck on that team (I felt bad for Tony Gonzalez before he got traded to Atlanta).  However, that does not give anyone the right to critique that situation, especially when he is a big part of it.  Todd Haley and I may not know as much the members of that team from Remember the Titans, but we both know that L.J. stinks – and we will be lucky to get anything in return for him if we trade him…on the other hand, Johnson will be lucky if he can still find a job in football after this mess is done.

Larry wants his touches, but when he gets them, he doesn’t do anything with them.  He hasn’t had a solid, injury-free-season, since 2006.  Now, one can easily argue that he hasn’t had a good team since 2006 (no O-line, and the loss of fullback Tony Richardson didn’t help either).  In my opinion, he is done; he has nothing left, maybe one solid year left.  He is now 29-years-old and isn’t getting any younger.  Couple that with the fact that he is a problem off the field (spitting on and accosting women at clubs, openly criticizing the organization, and – recently added – using gay slurs to describe media members as well as his new coach).

"Why can't we be as good as everyone says we are?"

On a side note, USC got smashed by Oregon.  The Trojans, who the BCS computers had sitting pretty at #5 (even with one loss to a then, and currently, unranked Washington Huskies team) – and people (Kirk Herbstreit and EPSN analysts) still had them playing in a National Championship.  Unfortunately, USC had to play Oregon (then #10 in the BCS), at Oregon, and got beat down 47-20 (and the Ducks only allowed the Trojans to score three points in the second half).

All this game did was prove me right, and show the country (yet again) that USC is overrated and should not be involved in National Championship talks until they beat a BCS opponent that isn’t Ohio State or from the PAC 10.  Oregon, a team who got beat by Boise State – now #7 in the BCS – and also managed to lose their “star” running back at the end of that game, managed to destroy the mighty Trojans and hand them their worse loss ever under head coach Pete Carroll.  How they manage to only fall to #12 in the BCS only proves my point – they get favored.  They should at least have fallen out of the top 15 with a loss to Oregon and unranked Washington.

But enough of harping on USC, because to be honest, every team looks overrated so far this season.  Alabama looks solid, but the two teams ahead of them – Florida and Texas – both look inconsistent.  With all the frauds this season, I am routing for Iowa…any team that has a QB who throws five picks and can still win (and manage to make that game look like a blowout) gets my support.

With almost half of the NFL season in the books, I want to take the time to discuss one of the biggest mistakes that I have ever made in my life.  A mistake that recently came to my attention over the course of the last six weeks.  A mistake so large that it has tormented me every Sunday and every other Monday night.  The dreadful mistake that I’m talking about is getting involved in a fantasy football league…obviously.

I was warned by many not to get involved.  I was told it’s a waste of time, that it will make you root against your own team, and that you can’t enjoy the games because you’re always checking the computer.

Such warnings I ignored and proceeded to sign up for, not one, but four fantasy football leagues this year…and trust me, I’ve learned my lesson.  So with that in mind, I give you the six things that I have learned from the first six weeks of playing fantasy football.

The biggest sign I ignored was probably the fact that the best "action" pose that McFarlane could get for their LT figurine was of this.

1. LaDainian Tomlinson hates me: Maybe it was all the preseason hype. Everybody saying, ”Oh yea, LT is completely healthy, he’s been working out like he used to.” On ESPN they’ve got the segment on him running up hills, and talking about how last year was a fluke and he hasn’t lost it yet. I just got sucked in and I went for it. I swear if I ever see any of these people on the street I am punching them square in the face, no questions asked. I don’t care what happens afterward but for at least that second there I will feel so much better. So I go and use my first round-pick believing that things would change.  I could have had Drew Brees, or Tom Brady, or even taken Wes Welker who was hurt for the first three games of the season.

So, by the end of the first quarter against the Raiders, I was already regretting drafting him. I can really only blame myself, I guess all the signs were there. Honestly when they talked about him working out, I couldn’t help but to think about those Youtube videos with him and Kimbo Slice.  The one where he’s bench-pressing air conditioners and boxing refrigerators.

2. Online drafts with auto-pick are the workings of the devil: I know it’s made for convenience and all, but if you’re doing fantasy football you really should be there for the draft. In my case, 2.5 of the four leagues I’m in ended up being auto-picked for me because either: A. It wouldn’t let me sign-in or B. I just missed it. And each time I ended up with half my team being running backs or wide receivers. I actually got Jason Campbell because of that crap. And nobody in their right mind is taking him as a free agent, let alone in a trade. Speaking of which…

3. People refuse to make trades unless it is completely in their favor: Here are the only trade offers that I have received since the start of the season (and most of these have come in the one league I’m actually doing well in). An injured Calvin Johnson for a coming-into-his-own Brandon Marshall.  Or T.O. and Tim Hightower for Marques Colston. Or how about Brian Westbrook for Cedric Benson.  And the one that just insults my intelligence which is Larry Johnson and Devin Thomas for Adrian Peterson? Really? And every trade that I have offered has been either ignored or declined. MAKE A MOVE DAMN IT!!

Davis had 7 receptions for 93 yards and 3 TD's while keeping my bench warm...I just can't win.

4. Matt Forte hates me too.

5. Without fail, I always seem to make the wrong decision about who to play: The biggest problem that I’ve run into week after week is struggling to choose between starting Kellen Winslow or Vernon Davis. No matter which one I play, the other one sits on my bench and scores 20 plus points. I don’t think I’ve gotten this right once all season long. This week I played Winslow and sat Davis only to watch him pick up three touchdowns in the second half, which then left me to have to watch last night’s game hoping the Eagles don’t kick any field goals because I’m only up nine points (and I should have been up 36). This actually brings me to my 6th and final point and probably the biggest reason I hate fantasy football.

6. I really feel like an A-hole watching these games: Allow me to explain. First and foremost, I’ve found myself rooting against my own team. Ochocinco, Benson, and Carson Palmer are all on at least one, or more, of my teams. So, since I am a Bears fan, watching the Bengals destroy them left me quite torn.  I didn’t know whether to celebrate or be mad every time each of them did something good for my fantasy team. I watched the game not knowing who to root for. Here my Bears are getting absolutely slaughtered, but I’m supposed to be happy because these guys are having a big day?

Damn you fantasy football! This is supposed to be the most wonderful time of the year, yet week by week you seem to just not want to allow me to enjoy it. I definitely won’t be doing this again next year. Ok, I‘ll probably only have two teams…tops…probably.

Every once in a while I will do a little segment like this in which I talk about what really disturbed me over the past weekend in sports or whatever else really “grinds my gears” (to quote Peter Griffin).  This week there are two things I would like to discuss…

"Wouldn't it be easier if we just forfeit to USC every year? I know it would save me a lot of pain and suffering." (AP Photo/Ben Margot)

First, the Cal Golden Bears.  Every year I have to listen to college football analysts talk about Cal’s team: how good they are, how they are going to make a run at the PAC 10 Championship, and how viewers should circle the date when Cal plays USC because it will be a good one.  Let me tell you something, the only reason I would circle that day is to remind myself that that’s the day I need to bet everything I own on USC winning.  Cal stinks.  They have stunk for the past eight years.  The Cal-USC game is supposed to be a rivalry game, but what kind of “rivalry” game shows one team winning nine of the last ten games played (and, even though a win is a win, Cal barely beat USC 34-31 in 2003). That’s not much of a rivalry.  And this year was no different; USC slaughtered an over-rated Cal team 30-3…does that sound like the score of a rivalry game to anyone?

And I know that this goes back to 1912 and that’s why it’s a good rivalry and all that jazz, but right now we are living in the present…and presently Cal is garbage.  They have done nothing but find ways to disappoint.  This year, once again they are ranked high and are in National Championship contender talks, and then they get shellacked by Oregon, and then dismantled by USC in back-to-back weeks.  Even worse than that, is that college football analysts still view a win over Cal as a quality win.  That’s like racing a person on foot while you are in a car…it’s nothing to brag about.  From now on take that game out of the television lineup and replace wit any other college football game.  I’d rather watch a San Diego State inner-squad scrimmage than another Cal-USC blood bath.

"Football is a full-contact sport, you are gonna get hurt Keith...that's why you wear pads and get paid millions to play it."

My second issue…the NFL.  Now relax, I love football and I love the NFL, but after watching the Patriots beat the Ravens mainly because of a “roughing the passer” call in which Terrell Suggs was knocked down and breathed too close to Tom Brady’s knee, that disturbs me.  This is football, let the kids play.  I know athletes are bigger, faster, and stronger nowadays, but it is still a full-contact sport.  There are so many new rules added each year that soon the NFL will be reduced to a highly-skilled flag football league.  You can’t touch the quarterback at all (especially if it’s Brady – who has single handedly been responsible for the creation of two different fraudulent rules), you can’t hit receivers, and now (because of a fantastic hit by Hines Ward) no more crack-back blocks.  Seriously? These guys don’t need protection; they have pads.  There weren’t referees protecting players back in the day when they left the game looking like they just finished a bar fight that involved blunt objects and hand grenades.  I know the league wants to protect the players, but unfortunately it can’t do at the expense of the game.  Fans want to see big hits, big sacks, and real football – not two-hand touch.

And I know those hits hurt, and it’s easy for me to say guys need to deal with it because I am not one of those guys – but I am also not the guy who got to go to college for free, because I played football, got to make millions, because I played football, and (since I have a functioning brain) won’t ever have to work a day in my life after my pro career is over, because I played football.  I would gladly let someone break my jaw, or knock me unconscious for a pro football players’ annual salary.  If you want to make a case for guys’ careers being ended by big hits, and how much damage players have after football is over, then adjust the penalties and have players give some of their money back.  Football is for modern-day gladiators, and all of us fat Romans pay that money because we want to see two gladiators fight to the death…not hug and then retire into the sunset.

            While many of us recall our sophomore year of high school with the appropriate mixture of humiliation (hormones), frustration (Geometry), or nostalgia (the ’90s), we can all agree that it was ultimately a very tumultuous year.  The proverbial sophomore slump doesn’t discriminate based on gender or genre as we have seen bands (The Killers), television shows (Heroes), and directors (Richard Kelly) who have fallen under the sophomore jinx’s fickle spell. 

            Though there are a myriad of reasons for any sophomore slump, in the case of the NFL, such a distinction may only be a state of mind.  Sure, guys like Steve Slaton and Matt Forte have gotten off to horrendous starts in part because their teams’ schedules certainly lent themselves to a lack of production (Slaton drew the Jets and Titans; Forte had to face the Pack and the Steelers).  But just ask Chris Johnson, Joe Flacco, and Matt Ryan about their early sophomore campaigns.  These guys are refusing to appear on a growing list of players who struggle during their second season, and the league couldn’t be happier to watch its new generation of stars usher out the old guard.

            Frankly, I thought the “Smash ‘n Dash” moniker and game plan was overrated, but the league has moved toward the two back system, so Titans RB Chris Johnson was forced to be the latter to Lendale White’s former.

Hey, Lendale. Keep drinking tequilia because I'm a one man show now. (Gregory Shamus-Getty Images)

After a 1200+ yard/10 TD rookie season, the East Carolina speedster figured to take a step back as teams figured out a way to contain him.  After a lackluster week one against the stifling Steelers’ defense (15/57), still featuring S Troy Polamalu, Johnson went bananas last week against the Texans (284 total yards/3 TDs).  The self-proclaimed “every coach’s dream,” who essentially broke up with White via Twitter, isn’t going to play second fiddle to the former USC fatso any longer, and Jeff Fischer (and Johnson fantasy owners) should be salivating.

            When it became apparent that both Ravens’ QB Joe Flacco and Falcons’ QB Matt Ryan were going to start for their respective teams last season, I wrote on my former site that each city was about to undergo a Renaissance of colossal proportions and neither signal caller disappointed.  Ryan made every Hotlantian forget what Eagles’ fans are now forced to remember—Mike Vick—while Flacco catapulted himself to stardom, albeit through a very conservative weekly game plan and stout defense, by taking his team to the AFC championship game.  Two weeks removed from the start of their second season, each young stud has picked up right where he left off.

            Ryan has undoubtedly benefited from the savvy off-season acquisition of future Hall of Fame TE, Tony Gonzalez.

Hello, Atlanta. I'm your savior. The pleasure is all yours.

 Though far from being simply a game manager, Ryan has done just that in the Falcons first two wins (Miami, Carolina).  The Exton, PA native has averaged 225 YPG while throwing 5 TDs against only 1 pick.  Gonzalez has done his part (72 YPG/2 TD), and the Falcons are 2-0 without standout WR Roddy White being much of a factor (47 YPG/1 TD).  With his first true test of the season, in Foxboro, Ryan can cement himself as the new face of the NFC with a win against a puzzlingly inconsistent Patriot club.

            Fans of our site shouldn’t be surprised that Flacco is getting some love.  Truth be told, it’s much easier to cover our fair town’s favorite son when he’s playing like the standout he’s always been.  There’s no question that Ravens’ coach John Harbaugh did just about everything right last year, not the least of which was naming Flacco his starter and allowing him to learn on the fly.

Yeah, I'm kind of tired of handing it off. I'm going to go ahead and air it out.

While Flacco struggled out of the gate, he put himself in extremely rare company by advancing his team to the AFC championship, and while no rookie quarterback has ever reached the Super Bowl, Flacco and his Ravens gave the Steelers all they could handle before a late Flacco pick punched a ticket to the Bowl for Pittsburgh.      Now, armed with the kind of experience some quarterbacks will never have (right, Matt Leinart? Nice work), Flacco, with the help of offensive coordinator Cam Cameron, has shed the game-manager label. 

Averaging just under 250 YPG, Flacco has thrown 5 TDs against 2 INTs in his first two weeks while the Ravens have averaged just under 35 PPG.  Last week’s shootout with the Chargers, in San Diego, ended with an all too familiar Ray Lewis tackle for a loss, but it was Flacco’s efficiency and 2 TDs that helped seal the deal for the Ravens.  Now, instead of asking Flacco not to lose the game (a la Trent Dilfer), Harbaugh and Raven Nation can relax with the knowledge that Flacco can win a game for them as well.

            So, sophomore slump? Well, it’s a long season, and there’s no guarantee that these three super sophs won’t end up running gassers in practice for poor play, but there’s no question that for the Titans, Falcons, and Ravens the slump is far more theoretical than practical.

            For each of Eagles’ coach Andy Reid’s eleven years at the helm of a team incapable of winning a championship, fans have sat on a proverbial fence painted midnight green and not-so-pure white.  Some laud the oratorical master for his steadfast devotion to his players while simultaneously spitting on the media members paid to cover his team.  Others lambaste the coach for his pass-happy offense predicated on an adherence to the West Coast offense as he desperately, and quite pathetically, tries to unseat former Niners’ great Bill Walsh as the progenitor of the scheme. 

            However, as the Birds look toward week three and the Kansas City Chiefs, Reid can bask in his new role as the 21^st century’s first three headed monster of head coach/general manager and…

Come one! Come all! Ladies and Gentlemen, your 2009-2010 Philadelphia Eagles!

            Vaudeville director.

            With an eclectic, and admittedly criminal, collection of quarterbacks from which to choose each week, Reid and his pocket-protector brandishing sidekick, Joe Banner, can sit back and pull the strings on the most dysfunctional quarterbacking quartet in NFL  history.

            Ya’ gotta be proud.

            Popularized in the late 19^th and early 20^th century, Vaudeville acts roamed parts of the US and Canada while boasting a virtual smorgasbord of entertainment.  On any given night, revelers could expect to see a magic act, trained animals, wandering minstrels, overthrown receivers…oh, wait.  Vaudevillians didn’t make much money but became a part of the cultural landscape nonetheless and many of our modern day variety shows owe their platform to their nomadic predecessors.

            Never, however, has such a platform lent itself to the most important position in all of sports. That is until Big Red put his stamp on it. 

            The Players

            1. Donovan McNabb—Playing the role of the “star” of the show is our fair city’s adequate-and-that’s-all-he-can-be starting quarterback.

That's right, y'all. I'm the star of this soap opera.

Able to smile on cue, tap dance out of the way of would-be tacklers, alienate himself and teammates, and vomit for dramatic effect, D Mac has earned his position as this Vaudeville’s headliner.  With flashes of brilliance peppered with a touch of inconsistency and topped off with an air of entitlement, McNabb scoffs at any suggestion that any of his castmates is hot for his spot.  After all, chicks only dig the star of the show, right?

            2. Kevin Kolb—Every act has to have its straight man (and according to TO that can’t be Jeff Garcia), so Kolb has blossomed nicely into his role as the protégé of McNabb’s mentorship.  Fans will come to the show equipped with as many boos as cheers and as many tomatoes as roses in hopeful anticipation of seeing what the understudy has up his sleeve each week.  Will he take the old “break a leg” adage too literally and find himself on the outside looking in or is it his hand that’s ready to pull the string that sends a bucketful of hammers onto his mentor’s head?  Hilarity is sure to ensue whenever these two professionals are on the stage at the same time.

            3. Mike Vick—Of course, no act would be complete without the mustache-twisting villain who comes equipped with his own evil soundtrack.

Don't hate the player. Hate the horrendous human being I am despite what Tony Dungy says. And hate the game.

However, like any good villain (think the Joker without intellect, ingenuity, wit, charm, you get the point) worth his weight in arrest warrants, Vick will garner the support of that bizarre faction of people who actually wants to see the villain tie the damsel in distress to the train tracks and slink away unnoticed.  The only problem for Vick is he’s already been noticed by local and state authorities, so the chances of seeing him get away as the Eagles’ starting quarterback are pretty slim.  Regardless, Vick’s yin to McNabb’s yang is certainly worth the price of admission (ticket prices for this Vaudevillian masterpiece start at only five sawbucks).

            4. Jeff Garcia—Aw, the loveable loser.  In several past performances, this also-ran player probably won over the crowd with his tough-as-nails approach to the game and his effusive excitement for every touchdown pass.

Why am I smiling? Because somehow I'm still allowed on set.

Sadly, performers like this are often trying to suck the marrow out of a bone long since run dry, and despite the fact that the audience will still pay to see him, everyone in attendance knows he’s only on stage to remind us of his alternatives.

            Luckily for Birds’ Nation, this traveling band of miscreants, ne’er-do-wells, and Prince Charming-in-trainings can be appreciated for free from the cheap seats inside our living rooms.  Now, we can all just kick back, wait for the players to hit their marks, and revel in the comedic stylings of this century’s foremost Vaudevillian genius, Andrew Walter Reid.

On April 25^th, 2009 at Radio City Music Hall in New York City, the 2009 NFL Draft was held.  On that day there was a certain receiver out of Texas Tech named Michael Crabtree who was a lock to go in the top 10, and was even projected by some to go in the top 5.

Crabtree, a two-time Biletnikoff and Paul Warfield Award winner (awards given out to the best receivers in College Football), was set to most likely be drafted by the Oakland Raiders  as the seventh overall pick.  His college success was undeniable, and his numbers – 231 catches for 3127 yards and 41 touchdowns – made him an easy choice for the Raiders, who desperately needed a superstar wide receiver to generate some much needed offensive production.

Moves like this made Crabtree one of the best WR in the history of College Football...the moves he is making now, off the field, could make him one of the biggest busts in the history of Pro Football.

Before the draft, Crabtree was diagnosed with a stress fracture in his left leg, and opted to have surgery to repair it rather than to take part in any Pro Days.  So Crabtree went from being a sure thing, to a bit of gamble, because no one knew if he’d be the same coming off this injury and playing in the pros.

When the Raiders got on the clock, they decided to use their seventh overall pick on Maryland wide receiver Darrius Heyward-Bey, who was nowhere near as talented as Crabtree, but ran a faster 40-yard dash.  Crabtree then fell to the San Francisco 49ers as the tenth overall draft pick.  Apparently this upset him.  Crabtree felt he should have gone a lot higher, and someone – not himself – was to blame for this.  His former head coach, Texas Tech’s Mike Leach, claimed that Cleveland Browns head coach Eric Mangini called Crabtree a “diva” after his meeting with him.  Leach said this was a big reason Crabtree wasn’t taken as high as he should have been.

This was followed by Crabtree and his agent, Eugene Parker, deciding that they were going to hold-out for a “top 5 draft pick” contract, since that’s where he should have gone in the draft.  Yea, that’s how it works.  You get a job and tell your boss that, even though you have been hired for one job, you feel that you should be paid like someone who has a better job than you.  On August 30, 2009, Crabtree became, and still is, the very last holdout and unsigned draft pick of the 2009 Draft.  On September 9^th, Crabtree became the longest unsigned draft pick in the history of the 49ers.

"I am honored and all coach, but I feel like I deserve first overall pick money, so if you could go ahead and do that, that'd be great, thanks." (AP Photo/Paul Sakuma)

But that isn’t the end of this idiot’s journey.  Crabtree, in an effort to get the contract that he feels he deserves, has been rumored to be preparing to sit out the entire 2009-10 season.  Sources say that because the Niners’ won’t give Crabtree the money he wants – or trade him to a team that will – he would go as far as sitting out this season, and then try to re-enter draft this April.  A plan built to perfection if I may say so myself.  Every team in the NFL is looking to shell out big money to a receiver that hasn’t played in a year and didn’t act like a “diva” at all by sitting out an entire season to get that money.  Nice work Michael.  Only one other player has gone that route and he was a quarterback out of Colorado State named Kelly Stouffer who refused to sign with the Cardinals in 1987 (don’t panic if you don’t know who that is, no one does and that’s my point).

Seems like Al Davis is the one laughing now.  Everyone, including myself, thought he was officially senile when he drafted Heyward-Bey over Crabtree.  Crabtree could go on to become one of the NFL’s greatest receivers, but right now he is doing absolutely nothing.  So it would seem that Al Davis’ brain is still functioning, because Heyward-Bey was playing last night (even though he did nothing to help his team win).  However, he was still on the field, in uniform, playing football.  Meanwhile, Crabtree sits at home playing NCAA 2010, the XBOX version of course (he enjoys the one that features him on the cover).  Heyward-Bey could go on to be a great receiver, or he could go on to be a massive bust, but as of right now, it appears that Al Davis did know what he was doing when he chose him instead of Crabtree…or at least its worked out that way so far.

1. Andre Smith: Labeled one of the best offensive tackles coming out of this past draft class, Smith was taken in
   

   This is as close to a Bengals uniform as Andre will get for quite sometime now.

   the first round, sixth overall, by the Cincinnati Bengals.  Many analysts thought Smith had “lost a step” as far as his blocking talents are concerned, but the Bengals took a chance on Smith anyway.  Not a bad gamble…until now.  Smith missed all of training camp and the first three preseason games because of a contract dispute (just what every team plans for when they draft a player they want to make an immediate impact).  So finally the Bengals got him signed this past Monday, and then on Tuesday – in true Bengals fashion – he went down with a foot injury.  Smith is expected to miss at least a few weeks, as Bengals doctors are still diagnosing the injury and putting a timeline on it.

2. Matt Cassel: Coming off a fantastic season last year for the New England Patriots, Cassel got what he wanted.
   

   Cassel gripping his right knee after being sacked three plays into the Chiefs' third preseason game against the Seahawks. (Dilip Vishwanat / Getty Images)

   After sitting behind Carson Palmer and Matt Leinart at USC, and then Tom Brady at New England, Cassel finally got a team to call his own when he was traded to the Kansas City Chiefs.  Cassel got a starting job and a six-year-deal that’s worth 28 million guaranteed before he even took a snap in a Chiefs’ uniform.  But as training camp progressed and the preseason started, Cassel realized he wasn’t playing in New England anymore.  Cassel has gone 11-19 in three games, with just one TD and he’s been sacked four times.  Cassel isn’t throwing to Moss and Welker anymore, and has no protection as well.  His fourth sack resulted in a sprained MCL; He could miss the first two weeks of the regular season.

3. Brett Favre: Everyone’s favorite QB who can’t make up his mind, finally decided to play for the Minnesota Vikings and come out of re-retirement…again.  Favre’s debut in a purple-people-eater uniform was rough.  He went just 1-4 and looked like an old man who hadn’t played ball in years.  Then there was his second game, a Monday night game against Houston.  Favre went 13-18 with a TD, but managed the game more than anything.  But afterwards no one was talking about how good or bad he did, but instead how cheap his crack-back block was?!?  Favre was lined up at WR during the Viking version of the Wildcat with first-round-pick Percy Harvin taking the snaps, and Childress expected Favre to block for him.  So the 39-year-old did what any old man playing out there with a bunch of young “whipper-snappers” would do; he was cheap-shotting people.  Favre made an illegal block, which was called by officials, by shooting for Texans safety Eugene Wilson’s legs.  Wilson was shaken up, but neither he, nor Favre, was injured.
4. Michael Vick: The “second chance” QB got just that with the Philadelphia Eagles.  Love him or hate him, Philly fans were eager to see what he could do in his debut against Jacksonville.
   

   Gotta story brewing there? Nice little narrative? Beginning, middle, and end? Some friends become enemies, some enemies become friends?

   Vick went 4-4 with no TDs and had a rush for a total of one yard.  The biggest highlight for the media nation came when starting Eagles QB Donovan McNabb made a gesture (the ol’ enough-of-that-throat-slit) toward head coach Andy Reid after a stalled drive that featured Vick.  McNabb just wanted the team to be able to get some rhythm going without a wildcat formation being involved – but that’s not what happened according to the media.  They are reporting that a quarterback controversy has spawned – unbeknownst to McNabb or Vick or Reid – and that McNabb dislikes this “gimmick” offense.  Things should be exciting to watch as the season pans out (can’t wait to see which idiots are the first ones to hold up the “PUT IN VICK!” signs the first time McNabb throws an incomplete pass).

5. The Denver Broncos: Never before in the history of the NFL has there been more of a train-wreck team this early in the year than the Denver Broncos.  First-year head coach Josh McDaniels, who was brought in to establish order from the “chaos” that Mike Shanahan had produced, is now making his own mess.
   

   Broncos QB Kyle Orton holding his injured right hand as he walks off of the field during a game against the Chicago Bears. (AP Photo/Jack Dempsey )

   McDaniel didn’t quite see eye-to-eye with former QB Jay Cutler, so Cutler was shipped out to Chicago for QB Kyle Orton.  Orton had struggled at Chicago, but in Denver he would have the chance to throw to a big-time wide-out in Brandon Marshall.  Except Brandon doesn’t like McDaniels either and wants a new contract that he is not getting.  So he has quietly gone about making a campaign for a trade (not running with the team, showing up when he wants to, batting down balls thrown to him, and punting them away if he does decide to catch them).  To make matters worse, Orton was injured (dislocated right index finger) on his throwing hand ironically while playing against Chicago and could miss a substantial amount of time.  So now rookie Tom Brandstater out of Fresno State will take over as the starter (since backup Chris Simms is also out with a left high ankle sprain) and he won’t have Brandon Marshall to throw to – or be able to hand the ball off to first round pick Knowshon Moreno. The running back out of Georgia has been out with a knee injury since August 14 and, although he is on his way back, is still not 100%. I’m sure this is just how McDaniels planned it…he couldn’t have asked for a better start to his head coaching career.

Any fan of Mike Judge’s now not-so-cult hit Office Space can rattle off lines from the film like they are reciting their social security number:

             *(Peter) Lawrence, what would you do if you had million dollars?

              (Lawrence) You mean besides two chicks at the same time?

             *(Bob Slydell) Peter, what would you say you do here?

            *(Michael Bolton) PC load letter? What the [heck] does that mean?

But perhaps today’s athletes are taking one famous line from the film in reference to work, I’m just not going to go anymore, just a bit too far. 

Both Jay Cutler and Brandon Marshall were cornerstones of Broncos GM Brian Xanders’ master plan to reassume control of the AFC West like they did for years in the late 80s and 90s, but somewhere between Mike Shanahan’s dismissal in January and Josh McDaniels’ hiring shortly thereafter, the top two offensive stars for the Broncos decided they were just going to stop going to work.

In Cutler’s case, the gateway out of Mile High was a perfect storm of a bruised ego, a fierce loyalty to Shanahan, and a little bit of good old fashioned sour grapes.  Upon hearing of Shanahan’s dismissal, Cutler wasted little time in reacting.

“I hope it all works out. But I know I’m disappointed, I’m not happy, and it’s a lot to think about. I just want to continue the things we were able to do this year on offense and get better all the time,” said Cutler.

Cutler has never been one to shy away from a mike shoved in his face, just ask new teammate Devin Hester, but I think his loyalty to Shanahan was genuine and because the move was widely considered so shocking, Cutler had a right to stick by the man who drafted him to succeed Jake Plummer. 

What came next was even more blindsiding. 

Cutler’s short career has featured a Favre-like penchant for forcing balls into rapidly closing windows, but his arm and ability to make plays out of nothing, also much like a young Favre, have garnered him respect around the league if not in his own locker room.  His 54 TDs against 37 picks isn’t exactly the model of consistency, but he has averaged over 200+ yards in the air per game, though most of that is a result of having to come from behind thanks to a perpetually laughable defensive unit. 

Despite what he’s done and many believe he will do, new coach Josh McDaniels was thoroughly unimpressed and looked to trade for fellow soon-to-be ex-Patriot, Matt Cassel.  What once was a slightly bruised Cutler quickly became the male equivalent of every girl who’s ever been cheated on and Cutler wanted out. Hell hath no fury like a quarterback scorned.

Fast forward three short months and the Broncos dealt the petulant Cutler to the Chicago Bears for career zero, Kyle Orton.  Much like our Office Space hero, Peter Gibbons, Cutler was ostensibly rewarded for deciding to do nothing.

Hey, have you seen my stapler?

Still, the Broncos had a bevy of talented running backs, a standout young burner in Eddie Royal, and one of the league’s few legit game changers in Marshall, right?  What has followed Cutler’s departure has made Philly fans realize we didn’t have it all that bad with our former star receiver doing situps in his driveway. 

Because Brandon Marshall is out of his mind.

Refusing to learn the playbook, personifying passive-aggression, deliberately dropping balls (actually it’s more like smacking them down), and even punting footballs away from unsuspecting ball boys have all been par for the Marshall course as he does everything he can to get traded. If you haven’t seen the video, check this out.

Now, let’s not forget that this is a guy who’s been suspended for several off the field dust ups, most notably an ironic seven police related matters involving alleged domestic abuse, before being suspended for the remainder of the this preseason.  Though his numbers last year were astounding (104 catches/1,265 Yds/6 TDs), it’s hard to imagine any team in desperate need of a WR (Baltimore, NYG, NYJ) taking a chance on this guy, but, then again, Mike Vick is back in the league.

Ok, but if you guys don't trade me, I'm going to burn this building down. (AP Photo/David Zalubowski)

If Office Space has taught us anything about the “real world” it’s that sometimes work sucks.  But resorting to passive aggression, infantile behavior, or destroying the company Xerox machine is not always going to be rewarded with a trade ticket out of town or forgotten because of a fortuitous arson.  Sadly, people like Cutler and Marshall can actually answer Peter’s million dollar question while the rest of us can only dream of earning the kind of money they’re so willing to take for granted.

Hey, Peter, what's happening? I'm gonna need you, Jay and Brandon to come in on Saturday? Thanks a bunch!

Sieck and Brian had their fantasy football draft last weekend, and while the draft board strategy was a departure from years past, the tomfoolery and skullduggery remained hopelessly in tact.  

by Sieck and Brian

Ah, fantasy football. There’s perhaps no other pastime during which a group of grown men can get together in a room to play a silly game and act like bigger buffoons. Well, at least such was the case this past Sunday when my esteemed colleague Brian and I got together with our friends for our annual fantasy league draft.

This year our league was righteously and poetically dubbed “The Eric Bruntlett Memorial Fantasy Football League,” so eloquently labeled by our commissioner (and my cousin) Lew (who will probably wind up being the focus of this article, but we’ll see). Yes, we know, Eric Bruntlett isn’t a football player, therefore:

Triple play or not, that is one outstanding beard.

A little background on the Eric Bruntlett League: OK, I’ll try to make this brief. Last year, during the World Series, our dear friend Kevin claimed that Phillies utility player Bruntlett was a better player than starting left-fielder Pat Burrell. Now, most of us WERE NOT huge fans of Pat “The Bat” even though he was an integral part of the team. However, we all pleaded with Kevin to wake up and smell the facial hair, as that is the only real good thing about Bruntlett. Of course, fast forward to this year where Kevin’s beloved Bruntlett has only played sparingly and carried a .129 batting average into Sunday, August 23. So, Lew in all his wisdom came up with this name for our fantasy football league to simply give Kevin a little playful ribbing…

HOWEVER, is it a coincidence that on the day of our draft, Bruntlett got a start at second base (giving all-star Chase Utley a day off), went an astonishing 3-4, and ended the game with an UNASSISTED TRIPLE PLAY that hasn’t happened since 1927? I think not, therefore maybe Kevin has gotten the last laugh. Incidentally, Kevin also got the first pick in our draft and correctly (in my humble opinion) selected Adrian Peterson. Oh, and btw, Eric Bruntlett’s middle name?… Yep, “Kevin.”

Now, let’s get on to other matters. Any time a group of friends gets together and combines football talk with alcohol, some truly interesting things are going to be said, and by interesting I mean completely disgusting, awful and offensive. But hey, that’s what friends are all about, right? Now, this is a “professional” site so I’ll spare all of the gurus out there some of the gorier details, but a fine example would be a few choice things said about a former girlfriend of a certain running back from New Orleans. (OK, I’ll admit it, that one was me, but I wasn’t alone in the sentiment). Furthermore, a heated argument broke out concerning the choice to draft a defense in the 10^th round. Now, in the grand scheme of life, I really don’t think this is a big deal, and if there’s any kind of supreme being, no matter who or what anyone believes in, if that being was looking down on this particular conversation, said being would simply be shaking its head. For the record (to give everyone an idea of what Brian and I were dealing with), I tried not to get involved in the argument, waited until the 12^th round (out of 14) to select a D, and still ended up with the New York Giants…      

A few more quick observations: Amongst our crew, there’s a lot of pot calling the kettle black that goes on. Sure, some folks may not have come to the draft physically prepared (lists, etc)—remember “TG,” next year print out lists by position—I would argue that others weren’t mentally prepared, but they’ll remain nameless… for now. Also, to our good friend Mike: I know you like to drink scotch, but if you’re going to curse out gentlemen who take a long time to make their picks, you may not want to take a half-hour yourself… I, for one however, am glad that he did.

Finally, we must touch on our sweet commish, Lew. I’m quite proud to share blood with this man. Could it be because he pawns off half of his responsibilities to others? (He actually paid very little attention to everyone else’s picks after round 11). Well, that’s part of it, but the reason I’m most elated is because he easily had the best lines of the day.  A few of the cleaner examples:

• After I selected Pierre Thomas, he exclaimed, “You should only be named Pierre if you are French and make pastries.”
  

  Funny, this guy doesn't look French.

• Upon seeing the team his brother picked for one of our friends who couldn’t make the draft, “Ryan, why don’t you take this team, and give him yours?”… Priceless.
• On his observations of the chatter in the room: “The next person to say ‘good pick’ is banned.”
• Upon hearing the plight of a certain unfortunate individual: “Would it have been so bad if this person had killed himself?” (Paraphrased).

Lew, we salute you, oh fantasy gridiron king of the one-liners, and long live our league, Eric Bruntlett, and his fabulous beard!  

*************************************************************************************

Though only five years into our 10-team A-Town fantasy football careers, our league has seen little change.  The same three or four teams are drafted horrendously and do not make the playoffs, the same three guys have won all four championships, including two out of three for Brian, and the same drafting schemes have been employed. 

Fantasy pundits will preach drafting a RB in the first two rounds to ensure you don’t get stuck with a backup or stiff and to, in theory, garner the most points because of the frequency of RB touches and TDs.  However, this year our league featured a departure from that model (3 of the top 10 were non-RBs) and an overwhelming desire to draft in the middle slots instead of the top three.

Without analyzing every move of the draft, suffice it to say that WRs were a much more posh early pick than were RBs.  Larry Fitzgerald went #8 overall (Sieck) and Calvin Johnson and Randy Moss were the two top picks in round two.  Andre Johnson and Reggie Wayne soon followed in round two while Steve Smith (the good one) and Roddy White were taken #1 and #2 in round three.  Clearly, drafters in our league, and presumably nationwide, are seeing  a seismic shift in point accumulation led by those talented wide outs.

The return of Tom Brady did not last long in our draft, going 9th overall but after Drew Brees was selected 6th overall.  Peyton Manning, Philip Rivers and Kurt Warner followed shortly thereafter as GMs have finally accepted the fact that RBs by committee are here to stay, so grabbing a top flight QB early is a necessity.

Hi, I'm Drew, and I love to throw the football. Pick me!

Again not surprisingly Tony Gonzalez was the first TE taken (round 5) though many draft boards had him as low as 4th on the TE list.  A proven point producer, Gonzalez owners should be salivating at how wide open the middle of the field is going to be for Matt Ryan darts to the first ballot Hall of Famer.  Personally, I don’t value the TE nearly as much as most GMs, having never drafted one earlier than the 11th round (which is where I got Vishante Shiancoe this year), but I understand that many GMs treat their TE pick in the same way they treat their WR pick.

Sieck referenced the Pittsburgh Defense going far too early (round 10), which sparked a lively exchange between that GM and me, but, again, I never choose a D until one of the final two rounds (where all K should be selected as well) and I have two “rings” to show for such patience.

I’ll spare the reiteration of the worst picks in the draft because Sieck took care of that, but I will add that Saints K Garrett Hartley, he of the four game early season suspension, was chosen in the last round, which is on par in terms of oddity with 49ers WR Josh Morgan being taken in the 8th round. Ironically, the same GM gobbled up both players.

So good luck fantasy gurus.  

Except for the other nine hammers I have to deal with in my league.