"Hey, I'm sorry about Cliff. I hope you understand why I did it...anyway, does that make up for it? Are we cool?"

The Phightin’s sent away young, stud-pitcher J.A. Happ (a runner-up for Rookie of the Year last season) and two prospects to the Astros for Houston ace Roy Oswalt (and some cash to help pay for Roy’s hefty contract).  While Amaro Jr. didn’t actually say it, this move might as well have been a public apology to Phillies fan who mourned the inexplicable loss of Cliff Lee.

Now first let me say I love the move – you did good, Rub.  It brings another team’s proven ace to be the Phillies number three pitcher in the rotation for almost nothing.  Not only that, but they managed to lock him up through next season (if they should pick up Oswalt’s option).  Happ is solid, don’t get me wrong, but I’d take Oswalt over him any day of the week – and the other two guys, outfielder Anthony Gose and shortstop Jonathan Villar, I have never heard of (so they can’t be that big of a deal to the Phillies).

Apparently the Astros agree since they have already traded Gose to the Blue Jays for first baseman Brett Wallace.  I just thought it was rather amusing that Amaro Jr. would give up prospects to get Cliff Lee, and then give up even more prospects to get Roy Halladay (great move).  Then turn around and trade Lee to get back some prospects, only to trade more prospects to get Roy Oswalt.  I just think he should come right out at the press conference and say “Hey, Phillies fans, I know I made a mistake, does this make up for it?” and shake Oswalt’s hand while he hands him a uniform.

"God...I gotta get outta Houston, I can't take this anymore."

I will give him this though, the whole time he has been wheelin’-and-dealin’ players and prospects like baseball cards, he never gave up outfielder Domonic Brown – and after watching his debut the other night against the D’backs (2-3 with 2 RBI and 2 R), I can clearly see why.  Smart decision.

Now, how about we discuss some wrong decisions?  Redskin’s D-Tackle/D-End/Pudgy-Cry-Baby Albert Haynesworth finally decided it was time to come to camp and give this whole playing football thing another try.  New Redskins coach Mike Shanahan was happy to have him back, but just wanted to make sure he was prepared mentally and physically.  Haynesworth passed the mental test, agreeing to buy into the system as long as he would get a shot at playing the D-End position.  The physical test, however, well that was a different story.

The over-paid – and overweight – Haynesworth could only complete two parts of the three part fitness test (despite losing 40 lbs).  Players and coaches were treated to a display of Haynesworth’s physical prowess as he completed one of the 300-yard shuttle sprints, barely finished the second, and ended up walking the third.  Believe me, I understand how difficult that must have been – especially for a D-Lineman, but come on.  You’re a pro athlete, a pro football player; physical fitness is kind of required and should be pretty high on your “To-Do” list.

"You want to me run what!?! Nah, I can't do that right now - cut me a break, man." (AP Photo/Alex Brandon)

The big fella’ was already in Shanahan’s dog-house for pretty much calling out the team and then not showing up to any voluntary workouts.  However, Shanahan was willing to give him a shot and put him with the backups, let him learn the new system, and then work his way up – if he could simply pass a fitness test.  It was tough, but he couldn’t.  I guess that’s what a seven-year, $100 million deal will do to you.  Why workout when you can simply dominate in Madden 2011, playing as yourself, while you lie on the bed eating Funyuns and drinking birch beer in one of the 19 bedrooms you have in one of your six houses?

"That guy is here to carry pads, not me. I'm Dez Bryant!" (AP Photo/Tony Gutierrez)

I didn’t get this one at all.  Bryant was putting his foot down for rookies in every sport by not participating in such a vile and physically detrimental act?  Nope.  He just didn’t want to take part in something so little and shameless (and really harmless when compared to other teams and their rituals), because he is above that.  Most teams tape rookies to goal posts, shave heads, or make them fetch absurd food requests from distant lands.  Instead, all Bryant was forced to do was a chore.  Grow up, Dez.

Then I saw his comments about being pretty sure he was drafted to “catch passes, not carry pads.”  Oh, that’s right.  Just like when he was given a scholarship to play football at Oklahoma State…until his junior season when he got kicked out of college football.  I’m sure OK State understood then, and Roy Williams and the rest of your teammates (who don’t know or trust you yet) will understand now.

I don’t know who this guy thinks he is.  He has gone from a beast WR to just an idiot with talent (unproven at the NFL level).  I even considered the fact that maybe he saw Roy Williams as his competition and he didn’t want to carry his pads, as if it would give Roy some psychological edge or make the team think that Bryant wasn’t “keepin’ it real,” but it just doesn’t add up.  All you have to do is carry a veteran’s pads! C’mon Dez.  Williams did the same thing when he was a rookie, and some rookie will do it for you.  Bottom line, it’s still a teammate and apparently it’s tradition down there in Dallas, so shut up and carry the pads.

"Was that wrong? Should I not have done that? I tell you, I gotta plead ignorance on this thing, because if anyone had said anything to me at all when I first started here that that sort of thing is frowned upon...you know, cause I've worked for a lot of teams, and I tell you, people do that all the time."

And speaking of not thinking, good ol’ Lane Kiffin was back in the news this week.  The new USC coach decided that the best thing to do after being smacked in the face with NCAA suspensions and Bowl game sanctions was to go ahead and do something illegal…again.  Kiffin poached Titans RB coach Kennedy Pola from Tennessee by violating the terms of Pola’s contract.  Kiffin assumed that a clause requiring any organization receive written permission to discuss a job with Pola, meant just hire him and see what happens.  Kiffin didn’t even think a phone call was necessary.  I guess he is going to ride this job out until some other major college football program offers him a ridiculous amount of money for no apparent reason.

Apparently Titans head coach Jeff Fisher, a former Trojan and a diehard fan, and the Titans organization are filing a lawsuit against the school Fisher loves so much.  This just makes matters even worse for a scandal-ridden university and a coach who has nothing to show for his mega-contract, but the hiring of his much more successful father.

"Hello, yes, is this the OSU admissions office?"

Finally, I leave you with this.  Former college football star, and current idiot, Maurice Clarett is back at THE Ohio State.  After a little more than three years in prison, Clarett has been granted re-entry into OSU and plans to lay low this way he isn’t a “distraction or a nuisance” to the football team.  I bet.  How long do you think it is before he is trying to suit up again, hoping to win an appeal of the current college football rules about turning pro?  It worked out so well for him when he tried to make the rules “one and done” for college football athletes, then sat out a year (after losing that case), and came into Broncos camp looking like a slim D-tackle.  I’m pulling for him though, I certainly hope he graduates – what a real “feel good” story that would be.

**During one of my first ever Locker pieces, I talked about how, despite the enormous shoes he had to fill, Phils play-by-play announcer, Tom McCarthy, was dangerously close to being replaced by my iPod or the radio team of Scott Franzke and Larry Andersen. Now, a full year later, this completely vanilla robot has done nothing to change my mind. Now, I’ll admit to being partial to guys who actually played the game, but such logic doesn’t affect my appreciation for the other three major sports teams’ announcers—Merrill Reese (Eagles), Jim Jackson (Flyers), and Marc Zumoff (Sixers)—because they have some flair, some panache, some understanding of the tremendous job they have in bringing our city’s teams to our homes on a nightly basis.

While I watched yet another lackluster performance by the Phils during which they dropped three of four to those pesky Pirates, I couldn’t help but take mental notes of McCarthy’s performance.

"I have a microphone into which I speak about baseball!"

Exhibit A: He used the word towering four times during the telecast. Now, maybe we’re all a little spoiled by Doc Emrick’s ability to use approximately 4, 567 verbs during his call of any hockey game, but I don’t think it’s too much to ask for McCarthy to come up with just one more adjective for flyballs.

Exhibit B: I realize the phrase “Captain Obvious” gets bandied about regularly, and usually with at least mild audience chuckling, but McCarthy is doing everything he can to cement himself as the “Captain Obvious.” After the Phils coughed up a three-run lead in the bottom of the 7^th, he delivered this doozie: The complexion of this game really changed when it went from a one-run game to now a three-run deficit for the Phils. I don’t require my play-by-play guy to be a sabermetrics practitioner, but I also don’t need him to fill in elementary gaps like this one.

Exhibit C: His homerun calls absolutely stink. I’d rather pluck a drunken fraternity brother out of the stands and ask him to call, oh, let’s say, Jimmy Rollins’ walkoff last week instead of listening to McCarthy’s completely uninventive, He’s baaaaaaack, in reference to Rollins’ momentous return to the lineup.

**I had the misfortune of briefly flicking past the Competitive Eating Competition on ESPN, which got me thinking about our society. Let me get this straight—Americans can’t appreciate the FIFA World Cup, deemed a game for “foot fairies” by our most clever of wordsmiths, which has been nothing short of amazing for the better part of a month (if you missed the sick Paraguay-Spain quarterfinal because you were afraid you’d catch “footfairyitis” as a result, I’ll submit that it was the second best game of the tourney behind the US win in extra time against Algeria), but we can show up in droves to watch intestinal freaks of nature devour food quickly? And don’t think for a second that the arrival and “arrest” of former champ Kobayashi wasn’t staged for publicity.

Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay better than soccer. (By Theo Zierock, AFP/Getty Images)

As a result, I will not listen to those who suggest our country isn’t getting dumber. Or dumberer.

**Wait, Mike Vick didn’t see the light behind Tony Dungy’s shadow? It turns out he really isn’t a very good dude? The Eagles made a personnel mistake? The Wildcat Formation was effective for one year, four years ago? Now I’ve heard it all.

"I can't wait to cash these checks...I mean play for the Redskins." (Photo by Mitchell Layton/Getty Images)

The Redskins responded by adjusting their defense to a 3-4 scheme – but Albert doesn’t like this either.  His new role as nose-tackle in a 3-4 defense is not as “glamorous” (if you can even use that word to describe a d-tackle) as his old role in Tennessee, where he was one of two d-tackles in a 4-3 defense.

Haynesworth was coming off one of his most unproductive years, and I assume was looking for something – or someone – to blame for that (not himself, of course).  He had 29 tackles, 8 assists, and only four sacks in 2009.  While in 2008 with the Titans, he racked up 41 tackles, 10 assists, and 8.5 sacks.  While the numbers aren’t that far off, it was his presence that was most notably missing.  In 2008 he was a poster-boy for the Titans’ defensive success; this past year he was considered a bust and one of many reasons for the Redskins’ dismal season.

Most teams would be pleased with the numbers Haynesworth put up in 2008 or 2009, except most teams aren’t the Redskins and did not sign him to a 7-year $100 million contract.  The team, under new management and leadership (in new GM Bruce Allen and new head coach Mike Shanahan), decided to offer Haynesworth a release from his contract as long as he paid them back $21 million in bonus money.  Haynesworth rejected that notion, and instead thought it was much more professional to just not come to mandatory minicamp and demand a trade.

"I was just trying to help him up! You throw that flag and you're next!"

There have been some rumors that the Redskins could be shipping him out to Minnesota or even New Orleans, but it is all speculation.  It’s hard to imagine a team that really needs him; especially for that price and the baggage he comes with.  Let us not forget that this sterling example of the word professional also stepped on Dallas’ center Andre Gurode’s face (click here in case you forgot about that) – but later claimed he wasn’t a dirty player.  Of course…clean, respectable players make the mistake of purposefully, physically harming opponents all the time.

He is supposedly going to attend training camp, but the damage is already done and I don’t see how it can work in Washington after he has divided his locker room with this little tantrum.  I don’t understand why he wouldn’t just accept the buyout and go elsewhere.  Sure he wouldn’t get as much, but he would be happier, probably have a better shot of winning, and would save some face.  I don’t know how many supporters he thinks he has with that contract he signed, but let me tell you this: if a team offered me that contract to have their QB warm-up by slinging footballs at my crotch before practices and games, I would sign it with a smile and be the first one in that building and the last one to leave.

"Yeah! OK guys, same time tomorrow for round two?"

First, the whole idea of spreading it out over three days in horrendous – it takes all the excitement out of Draft Day.  Teams don’t have to meet in “The War Room” and make snap decisions on who to take after the guy they wanted gets grabbed up by another team.  No more spur-of-the-moment trades that leave fans (Eagles) puzzled. With this new format, all a team has to do is make one pick (or two if they are really lucky/pathetic) and that’s it…the day is over.  They get a full 24 hours to reconsider what they want to do, negotiate potential trades, and eye-up new candidates.

Second, they picked the worst Draft Class to experiment with.  There are about two or three “Big Name” guys, and the most talked about players are a QB who missed his senior season and another who might as well not have had one.

Think about it.  What other Draft Class featured the “Best QB” and potential “First Overall Pick” as a guy who missed almost his entire senior season and is coming off shoulder surgery?  Nothing against Sam Bradford, and he could turn out to be great, but that is the best QB out there?  What does that say about all the other guys?  And Tim Tebow…that kid went from College Football Savior to NFL Joke inside three short months.  I wish him the best, but again, what does it say about the 2010 Draft Class if these two guys are headlining it?  I know there are other great athletes out there (Eric Berry, Ndamukong Suh, Dez Bryant, C.J. Spiller, etc.), but face it, none of them have received as much hype as Bradford and Tebow have all off-season.

"Thanks for all of your support - maybe I'll take off next season and see if I can win an NFL MVP award."

Finally, the attempt to oversell the Draft by NFL and ESPN is nauseating.  Never before has there been so many possible “Big Name” trades taking place during draft day.  They are convincing fans to watch all three days because you never know when Ben Roethlisberger might get traded, or the Redskins might sign T.O. and reunite him with Donovan McNabb, or all the rumors about every team, after the number 10 spot, trading up to get certain players.  That marketing genius was topped off by ESPN running the TOP 10 Best Late-Round Picks, while both anchors crow-barred in the “You better watch Saturday, who knows when the next Tom Brady will be drafted.”

"I hold a bunch of college football records...but none are as impressive as the record I hold for most stories aired about a throwing motion!"

Maybe it’s because this idea was a failure from the start, so they are doing whatever they can to sell it.  I am sure people will still watch it (I know I will), but now they are competing with the NHL and NBA Playoffs, as well as the MLB.  Going primetime might lose some fans considering that when it was on Saturday at noon, people had nothing else to watch but the first round.  Plus, do they really think anyone is going to watch the final rounds that Saturday?  Maybe a few diehards, but nowhere near as many people that would watch it in the old format, by default, simply because they were on that channel already.

I will still enjoy it, and I know most people will – but my point is, if it’s not broke, don’t fix it.  As if the NFL isn’t pulling in enough money they have to break up the Draft into portions to try and make even more.  I just hope next year they don’t spread it over six months, having only select teams draft starting in April and ending at the beginning of the regular season…that’ll really maximize profits, right Roger?

Brett Favre.

No matter what color the uniform, or how old he is, this image of Brett seems to be a constant. (AP Photo/Hannah Foslien)

As a huge Brett Favre fan, I must point out that not only did he throw 33 touchdowns to only 7 interceptions in the regular season, but he only had one multi-pick game (against Arizona when they were embarrassed on Sunday Night Football because their offensive line didn’t make the plane to Tempe).  He didn’t tire out at the end of the year, and despite Adrian Peterson not having big rushing games (because everyone insisted if he had success it would be because A.D. was averaging 400 yards a game), he even managed to take over and dominate a few of these games.  Favre helped his team finish 2^nd in the league in points-per-game, 5^th in total yards, and 8^th in total passing yards.  He made Sidney Rice (whose career was dying in Minnesota) look like the second-coming of Jerry Rice.

However, even after all this success there was still the thought that Favre would choke under the playoff pressure.  So in comes Dallas, arguably the hottest team coming into the playoffs, and what happens?  Favre and

About 90% of the NFL-watching population had no idea who this kid was, until Favre became his quarterback.

the Vikings take them out to the woodshed.  Favre throws for four touchdowns (each more amazing than the previous), zero interceptions, and the Viking defense shut down an over-rated Cowboys O.

I just want to point that out that no matter what happens to the Vikings, whether it be in the next game or in the Super Bowl, Favre has more than proved he is still one of the best.  Maybe it was time for him to go in Green Bay, maybe it wasn’t, but we will never know.  All we have to go on now is the enormous amount of success he is having with the purple and gold…GO VIKINGS!

Moving on to something that I have to comment on…Gilbert Arenas.  For all those people who sat back and thought “Wow, how dumb is Plaxico Burress?” Arenas decided to prove there was someone dumber.  As the story goes, after an argument over unpaid gambling debts with teammate Javaris Crittenton, the two pulled guns on each other.  And if that wasn’t enough, it wasn’t like the two of them were there for a team meeting and snuck them in, oh no, they both had guns (plural) stored in their lockers.  I guess for all the gang violence that takes place at practice?

Are you kidding me?  Arenas claimed that he had brought them from his home to his locker so his children would not find them and play with them.  How noble.  Buy a safe idiot, hide them where your kids can’t reach, put them in a room and lock the door, I mean how many other options are there before you think “I got it! I’ll just bring them to work.”  Imagine a regular person doing that, “Morning Sally, the meeting is still at 10 right? Oh, don’t mind these, I don’t want my kids playing with them.” You would be fired immediately.

Nice Gilbert, way to try and play it all off as a joke. People always pull guns on other people in jest, I could see the misunderstanding.

That must have been the same logic Arenas used when he tried to play this whole thing off as a prank. Or perhaps when he turned his hands into six-shooters during a pregame “dance” before they played the Sixers, to show how much of jokester he is.  As you can imagine, NBA Commissioner David Stern took action, suspending Arenas indefinitely.  Then the legal department stepped in, and Arenas now has to wait until March to find out what kind of sentencing he will receive.  NBA commissioner David Stern has yet to make a decision on what will happen to Arenas after his sentencing (hopefully his career is done).  The team is left scrambling for an answer, but they are just as guilty as he is in my eyes.

Get this: the Wizards organization said they had known about the guns in his locker – apparently he had informed them about the guns when he first brought them in – and they “never thought something like this would come of it.”  Really? I would love to hear them describe the situations that they thought might arise from having firearms in a locker room.  As if the NBA couldn’t be any worse (or more out of control) they decide a good P.R. move would be to let athletes have guns in their lockers?  This way fans get more of a “Beirut circa 1975” feeling when they come to games.

"People can barely remember that I used to be good...let me go spit on someone to remind them who I am." (AP Photo/Dick Whipple, File)

Johnson decided the best way to vent his frustrations would be to verbally assault members of the media, his coaching staff, and the organization by using a gay slur.  He especially targeted new coach Todd Haley, claiming that he wasn’t a good coach and didn’t know how to use him (correct me if I am wrong, but wasn’t Haley the only reason Johnson still had a job? Because no one would have taken him after the two years he just got done having).  L.J. also mentioned how his dad playing on the Titans team from the movie Remember the Titans, and those people knew how to coach football – which implied that his new coach didn’t.

Now, let me make it clear that while I am a Chiefs fan, I am also an NFL fan…so I am not ignorant.  I know I am a fan of a bad team, we are rebuilding (and have been for quite some time), and I can only imagine how difficult it must be to be a “star” and be stuck on that team (I felt bad for Tony Gonzalez before he got traded to Atlanta).  However, that does not give anyone the right to critique that situation, especially when he is a big part of it.  Todd Haley and I may not know as much the members of that team from Remember the Titans, but we both know that L.J. stinks – and we will be lucky to get anything in return for him if we trade him…on the other hand, Johnson will be lucky if he can still find a job in football after this mess is done.

Larry wants his touches, but when he gets them, he doesn’t do anything with them.  He hasn’t had a solid, injury-free-season, since 2006.  Now, one can easily argue that he hasn’t had a good team since 2006 (no O-line, and the loss of fullback Tony Richardson didn’t help either).  In my opinion, he is done; he has nothing left, maybe one solid year left.  He is now 29-years-old and isn’t getting any younger.  Couple that with the fact that he is a problem off the field (spitting on and accosting women at clubs, openly criticizing the organization, and – recently added – using gay slurs to describe media members as well as his new coach).

"Why can't we be as good as everyone says we are?"

On a side note, USC got smashed by Oregon.  The Trojans, who the BCS computers had sitting pretty at #5 (even with one loss to a then, and currently, unranked Washington Huskies team) – and people (Kirk Herbstreit and EPSN analysts) still had them playing in a National Championship.  Unfortunately, USC had to play Oregon (then #10 in the BCS), at Oregon, and got beat down 47-20 (and the Ducks only allowed the Trojans to score three points in the second half).

All this game did was prove me right, and show the country (yet again) that USC is overrated and should not be involved in National Championship talks until they beat a BCS opponent that isn’t Ohio State or from the PAC 10.  Oregon, a team who got beat by Boise State – now #7 in the BCS – and also managed to lose their “star” running back at the end of that game, managed to destroy the mighty Trojans and hand them their worse loss ever under head coach Pete Carroll.  How they manage to only fall to #12 in the BCS only proves my point – they get favored.  They should at least have fallen out of the top 15 with a loss to Oregon and unranked Washington.

But enough of harping on USC, because to be honest, every team looks overrated so far this season.  Alabama looks solid, but the two teams ahead of them – Florida and Texas – both look inconsistent.  With all the frauds this season, I am routing for Iowa…any team that has a QB who throws five picks and can still win (and manage to make that game look like a blowout) gets my support.

I was warned by many not to get involved.  I was told it’s a waste of time, that it will make you root against your own team, and that you can’t enjoy the games because you’re always checking the computer.

Such warnings I ignored and proceeded to sign up for, not one, but four fantasy football leagues this year…and trust me, I’ve learned my lesson.  So with that in mind, I give you the six things that I have learned from the first six weeks of playing fantasy football.

The biggest sign I ignored was probably the fact that the best "action" pose that McFarlane could get for their LT figurine was of this.

1. LaDainian Tomlinson hates me: Maybe it was all the preseason hype. Everybody saying, ”Oh yea, LT is completely healthy, he’s been working out like he used to.” On ESPN they’ve got the segment on him running up hills, and talking about how last year was a fluke and he hasn’t lost it yet. I just got sucked in and I went for it. I swear if I ever see any of these people on the street I am punching them square in the face, no questions asked. I don’t care what happens afterward but for at least that second there I will feel so much better. So I go and use my first round-pick believing that things would change.  I could have had Drew Brees, or Tom Brady, or even taken Wes Welker who was hurt for the first three games of the season.

So, by the end of the first quarter against the Raiders, I was already regretting drafting him. I can really only blame myself, I guess all the signs were there. Honestly when they talked about him working out, I couldn’t help but to think about those Youtube videos with him and Kimbo Slice.  The one where he’s bench-pressing air conditioners and boxing refrigerators.

2. Online drafts with auto-pick are the workings of the devil: I know it’s made for convenience and all, but if you’re doing fantasy football you really should be there for the draft. In my case, 2.5 of the four leagues I’m in ended up being auto-picked for me because either: A. It wouldn’t let me sign-in or B. I just missed it. And each time I ended up with half my team being running backs or wide receivers. I actually got Jason Campbell because of that crap. And nobody in their right mind is taking him as a free agent, let alone in a trade. Speaking of which…

3. People refuse to make trades unless it is completely in their favor: Here are the only trade offers that I have received since the start of the season (and most of these have come in the one league I’m actually doing well in). An injured Calvin Johnson for a coming-into-his-own Brandon Marshall.  Or T.O. and Tim Hightower for Marques Colston. Or how about Brian Westbrook for Cedric Benson.  And the one that just insults my intelligence which is Larry Johnson and Devin Thomas for Adrian Peterson? Really? And every trade that I have offered has been either ignored or declined. MAKE A MOVE DAMN IT!!

Davis had 7 receptions for 93 yards and 3 TD's while keeping my bench warm...I just can't win.

4. Matt Forte hates me too.

5. Without fail, I always seem to make the wrong decision about who to play: The biggest problem that I’ve run into week after week is struggling to choose between starting Kellen Winslow or Vernon Davis. No matter which one I play, the other one sits on my bench and scores 20 plus points. I don’t think I’ve gotten this right once all season long. This week I played Winslow and sat Davis only to watch him pick up three touchdowns in the second half, which then left me to have to watch last night’s game hoping the Eagles don’t kick any field goals because I’m only up nine points (and I should have been up 36). This actually brings me to my 6th and final point and probably the biggest reason I hate fantasy football.

6. I really feel like an A-hole watching these games: Allow me to explain. First and foremost, I’ve found myself rooting against my own team. Ochocinco, Benson, and Carson Palmer are all on at least one, or more, of my teams. So, since I am a Bears fan, watching the Bengals destroy them left me quite torn.  I didn’t know whether to celebrate or be mad every time each of them did something good for my fantasy team. I watched the game not knowing who to root for. Here my Bears are getting absolutely slaughtered, but I’m supposed to be happy because these guys are having a big day?

Damn you fantasy football! This is supposed to be the most wonderful time of the year, yet week by week you seem to just not want to allow me to enjoy it. I definitely won’t be doing this again next year. Ok, I‘ll probably only have two teams…tops…probably.

"Wouldn't it be easier if we just forfeit to USC every year? I know it would save me a lot of pain and suffering." (AP Photo/Ben Margot)

First, the Cal Golden Bears.  Every year I have to listen to college football analysts talk about Cal’s team: how good they are, how they are going to make a run at the PAC 10 Championship, and how viewers should circle the date when Cal plays USC because it will be a good one.  Let me tell you something, the only reason I would circle that day is to remind myself that that’s the day I need to bet everything I own on USC winning.  Cal stinks.  They have stunk for the past eight years.  The Cal-USC game is supposed to be a rivalry game, but what kind of “rivalry” game shows one team winning nine of the last ten games played (and, even though a win is a win, Cal barely beat USC 34-31 in 2003). That’s not much of a rivalry.  And this year was no different; USC slaughtered an over-rated Cal team 30-3…does that sound like the score of a rivalry game to anyone?

And I know that this goes back to 1912 and that’s why it’s a good rivalry and all that jazz, but right now we are living in the present…and presently Cal is garbage.  They have done nothing but find ways to disappoint.  This year, once again they are ranked high and are in National Championship contender talks, and then they get shellacked by Oregon, and then dismantled by USC in back-to-back weeks.  Even worse than that, is that college football analysts still view a win over Cal as a quality win.  That’s like racing a person on foot while you are in a car…it’s nothing to brag about.  From now on take that game out of the television lineup and replace wit any other college football game.  I’d rather watch a San Diego State inner-squad scrimmage than another Cal-USC blood bath.

"Football is a full-contact sport, you are gonna get hurt Keith...that's why you wear pads and get paid millions to play it."

My second issue…the NFL.  Now relax, I love football and I love the NFL, but after watching the Patriots beat the Ravens mainly because of a “roughing the passer” call in which Terrell Suggs was knocked down and breathed too close to Tom Brady’s knee, that disturbs me.  This is football, let the kids play.  I know athletes are bigger, faster, and stronger nowadays, but it is still a full-contact sport.  There are so many new rules added each year that soon the NFL will be reduced to a highly-skilled flag football league.  You can’t touch the quarterback at all (especially if it’s Brady – who has single handedly been responsible for the creation of two different fraudulent rules), you can’t hit receivers, and now (because of a fantastic hit by Hines Ward) no more crack-back blocks.  Seriously? These guys don’t need protection; they have pads.  There weren’t referees protecting players back in the day when they left the game looking like they just finished a bar fight that involved blunt objects and hand grenades.  I know the league wants to protect the players, but unfortunately it can’t do at the expense of the game.  Fans want to see big hits, big sacks, and real football – not two-hand touch.

And I know those hits hurt, and it’s easy for me to say guys need to deal with it because I am not one of those guys – but I am also not the guy who got to go to college for free, because I played football, got to make millions, because I played football, and (since I have a functioning brain) won’t ever have to work a day in my life after my pro career is over, because I played football.  I would gladly let someone break my jaw, or knock me unconscious for a pro football players’ annual salary.  If you want to make a case for guys’ careers being ended by big hits, and how much damage players have after football is over, then adjust the penalties and have players give some of their money back.  Football is for modern-day gladiators, and all of us fat Romans pay that money because we want to see two gladiators fight to the death…not hug and then retire into the sunset.

            Though there are a myriad of reasons for any sophomore slump, in the case of the NFL, such a distinction may only be a state of mind.  Sure, guys like Steve Slaton and Matt Forte have gotten off to horrendous starts in part because their teams’ schedules certainly lent themselves to a lack of production (Slaton drew the Jets and Titans; Forte had to face the Pack and the Steelers).  But just ask Chris Johnson, Joe Flacco, and Matt Ryan about their early sophomore campaigns.  These guys are refusing to appear on a growing list of players who struggle during their second season, and the league couldn’t be happier to watch its new generation of stars usher out the old guard.

            Frankly, I thought the “Smash ‘n Dash” moniker and game plan was overrated, but the league has moved toward the two back system, so Titans RB Chris Johnson was forced to be the latter to Lendale White’s former.

Hey, Lendale. Keep drinking tequilia because I'm a one man show now. (Gregory Shamus-Getty Images)

After a 1200+ yard/10 TD rookie season, the East Carolina speedster figured to take a step back as teams figured out a way to contain him.  After a lackluster week one against the stifling Steelers’ defense (15/57), still featuring S Troy Polamalu, Johnson went bananas last week against the Texans (284 total yards/3 TDs).  The self-proclaimed “every coach’s dream,” who essentially broke up with White via Twitter, isn’t going to play second fiddle to the former USC fatso any longer, and Jeff Fischer (and Johnson fantasy owners) should be salivating.

            When it became apparent that both Ravens’ QB Joe Flacco and Falcons’ QB Matt Ryan were going to start for their respective teams last season, I wrote on my former site that each city was about to undergo a Renaissance of colossal proportions and neither signal caller disappointed.  Ryan made every Hotlantian forget what Eagles’ fans are now forced to remember—Mike Vick—while Flacco catapulted himself to stardom, albeit through a very conservative weekly game plan and stout defense, by taking his team to the AFC championship game.  Two weeks removed from the start of their second season, each young stud has picked up right where he left off.

            Ryan has undoubtedly benefited from the savvy off-season acquisition of future Hall of Fame TE, Tony Gonzalez.

Hello, Atlanta. I'm your savior. The pleasure is all yours.

 Though far from being simply a game manager, Ryan has done just that in the Falcons first two wins (Miami, Carolina).  The Exton, PA native has averaged 225 YPG while throwing 5 TDs against only 1 pick.  Gonzalez has done his part (72 YPG/2 TD), and the Falcons are 2-0 without standout WR Roddy White being much of a factor (47 YPG/1 TD).  With his first true test of the season, in Foxboro, Ryan can cement himself as the new face of the NFC with a win against a puzzlingly inconsistent Patriot club.

            Fans of our site shouldn’t be surprised that Flacco is getting some love.  Truth be told, it’s much easier to cover our fair town’s favorite son when he’s playing like the standout he’s always been.  There’s no question that Ravens’ coach John Harbaugh did just about everything right last year, not the least of which was naming Flacco his starter and allowing him to learn on the fly.

Yeah, I'm kind of tired of handing it off. I'm going to go ahead and air it out.

While Flacco struggled out of the gate, he put himself in extremely rare company by advancing his team to the AFC championship, and while no rookie quarterback has ever reached the Super Bowl, Flacco and his Ravens gave the Steelers all they could handle before a late Flacco pick punched a ticket to the Bowl for Pittsburgh.      Now, armed with the kind of experience some quarterbacks will never have (right, Matt Leinart? Nice work), Flacco, with the help of offensive coordinator Cam Cameron, has shed the game-manager label. 

Averaging just under 250 YPG, Flacco has thrown 5 TDs against 2 INTs in his first two weeks while the Ravens have averaged just under 35 PPG.  Last week’s shootout with the Chargers, in San Diego, ended with an all too familiar Ray Lewis tackle for a loss, but it was Flacco’s efficiency and 2 TDs that helped seal the deal for the Ravens.  Now, instead of asking Flacco not to lose the game (a la Trent Dilfer), Harbaugh and Raven Nation can relax with the knowledge that Flacco can win a game for them as well.

            So, sophomore slump? Well, it’s a long season, and there’s no guarantee that these three super sophs won’t end up running gassers in practice for poor play, but there’s no question that for the Titans, Falcons, and Ravens the slump is far more theoretical than practical.